The day ---- 2 years ago it was a scary day but this year it was just a day. It is Nate's diabetes anniversary but nobody really knows it but me. Well, and you know now too.
Nate on his Diaversary this year ---- funny boy!. . . and yes he CAN and DID eat everything you see in this picture.
I think nothing could be more appropriate for me to say to myself than . . . You've come a long way, baby!
Those 1st few months were so hard. When we 1st Found Out. Feeling like Diabetes was my Kryptonite. The realization that I would never sleep through the night again ---- Sleepy, Sleepy Mommy. When I realized (SADLY) that Diabetes was here to stay. When I forgot to give Nate his night time insulin (NPH) - I felt like the WORST MOM EVER. I've dealt with Our 1st Scary Low, our LOWEST LOW and our Glucagon Low and countless HIGHs. They don't get any easier but as Hallie taught me I've gotten better at it!
I cannot believe how far we have come. Reading back through all of those posts made me cry -- a lot. I was so sad, so overwhelmed, so totally confused when I wrote each and every one. I read this one --- I Can't Find the Middle and it took me back to all of the crazy numbers we saw while on NPH and the constant carbohydrate diet (UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). I totally hated diabetes and what it was doing to me and my family back then. I don't love diabetes now but THANK YOU OMNIPOD for for making MDI, NPH the CC diet such a distant memory.
It was March of 2010 when Nate started his journey on the OmniPod --- Pumping, Good Grief and Hope! It was love at 1st site. <--- hahaha get it? OmniPod, OmniPod, Oh How I love Thee!
In 2010 in came Apidra and DexCom too. 2 more things that I could now not live without. Oh hell , it used to be new purses and fancy shoes I couldn't live without now it's medical devices and super fast insulin. I may or may not have become a diabetes nerd!
After going through many stages of grief and wading my way through the anger I have come out on the other side with a new outlook on Nate’s diagnosis. I can say that although managing type 1 diabetes is not easy, I am living a happy and joyful life. In 2011 I discovered that I am no longer just surviving Nate's diagnosis!
I cried a lot in 2009. I wrote about why I was still crying in 2010. Even in 2011 I cry occasionally too. Being a mom is a tough job. Being the mom of children with chronic conditions is super hard. So, yes even now I still cry sometimes but I think that is ok. It's ok with me anyway.
No one can tell us when things will feel better, no one can tell us when things will feel easier, no one can tell us when it is time to stop crying. We let our hearts lead the way. My heart led me through some dark times and only when my heart was ready to start seeing the light did it feel right to start coming out of my darkness. I still feel the darkness occasionally but my heart always leads me back to the light.
For me diabetes is not at all glitter and unicorns although I often joke about it being both. I still think diabetes is bullshit! I still get choked up when I see Nate's little bloody fingerprints on the kitchen cabinets and still tear up (ok, I usually sob) when I talk about Nate's diagnosis.
I believe in feeling the feelings that I am having and letting it be ok to be down occasionally. Diabetes is hard. Diabetes is tiring. Diabetes can beat you down. It's ok to feel those feelings. Express them, and then move on from them. You know what I'm going to say . . .
Keep Calm and Carry On.
So, I guess what I really want to say is this. I am ok today. Tired but ok. You are ok too. I have good days and bad days. You will have them too. We may be in different places but I will always meet you where you are because I was there not that long ago. We were all there not that long ago.
The One - The Only - The Super Naughty Nate:
Nate - Diagnosis Day -2009
Nate - September 2010
Nate - September 2011
Thank you all for sticking by me through the past 2 years. It means everything to me to have so much support. I know for a fact I would not be where I am today without the love and support of the diabetes community both online and in real life and my friend and family that have stood by me throughout this crazy ride.