Saturday, October 31, 2009

Diabetes is my Kryptonite


I know how to be a mom.
I have 3 children. I know how to be a mom! 

 My 1st born is Emma Leigh and she was born on March 8th, 2004 after a very long and agonizing labor and delivery.  I’ve never been so happy to meet someone in my entire life!  She was a little angel and still is to this day.  When she was 2 she still could not say her name and she didn’t use a lot of words.  When I asked the pediatrician about it she suggested that we look into speech therapy which we did.  When she was evaluated the speech pathologist suggested that we take her to see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor because Emma seemed to be a “mouth breather”.  We took her to the ENT where we were told that her adenoids we so enlarged they were blocking 90% of her airway and that she had never learned to breathe through her nose.  What?  How could we have missed this?  Well, how often do you actually watch your child breathe?  It was an easy fix, the doctor removed her adenoids, and she began to breather through her nose within days.  The only lasting effect was that she had used her mouth to breathe for so long that her tongue created a high hard palette in her mouth which caused her to have a severe articulation disorder.  This is could handle.  We went to speech therapy 2 or 3 times a week for 3 years and now at the age of 5 she speaks beautifully.  Except for those pesky “TH” sounds which normally I wouldn’t mind but when she tells people my age it comes out as “forty six” instead of “THirty six”.  We’ve had sleepless nights with illness and we’ve had wonderful days of watching her grown into a young lady.  All of these things we’ve been through with Emma – I can handle!  I love being Emma’s mom.

On February 2nd, 2006 my beautiful daughter, Sophia Elizabeth was born.  It was an easy labor and delivery.  She was amazing.  I wondered when I was pregnant how on earth I would ever be able to love another child as much as I love Emma and the moment I saw Sophie I wondered no more.  A mother just loves.  That’s what we do!  Sophie was a difficult baby.  She had “colic” – whatever that means.  She screamed all of the time, really I mean all of the time. When she was about 6 weeks old the pediatrician diagnosed her with protein sensitivity to soy and dairy & she had reflux. I stopped nursing her so that they could put her on a prescription formula that would help with both.  That wasn’t easy but I did it for both of our sanity.  After we got that worked out Sophie just seemed off all of the time. We found out she had an ear infection that never went away.  Seriously, she had an ear infection for 6 months so we went back to the ENT.  At that ENT visit they did confirm that Sophie needed tubes in her ears but they also told me that she had severe hearing loss due to the chronic ear infections. They told us that it would clear up and fix itself with the tubes.  It did and she now hears fine.  She began speech therapy at the age of 2 due to the fact she couldn’t hear for almost a year of her life and is now progressing wonderfully.  Strangers can understand about 50% of what she is saying and my mommy ears can understand about 95%.  Again, with Sophie we’ve endured normal child hood illnesses and enjoyed watching her grown into a beautiful little girl. All of this I can handle! I love being Sophie’s mom.

On June 23rd, 2008 our amazing son, Nathan James Houston was born after a very nauseating pregnancy, a long and miserable labor but an easy delivery.  This time I did not question my ability to love another child because I knew without doubt how easy it was to love my girls.  I questioned my ability to love a boy!  How could I be a mom to a boy?  I don’t know boys – I only know girls!  Again, all of that melted away when I saw his precious face.  Oh my, how I love my boy.  I didn’t know it was possible to love a little boy so much!  He was a pretty good baby.  We went through a lot of the same things with Nate as we had gone through with Sophie so I was more aware of things and right on top of any problem that arose.  He had the same protein sensitivity but we worked around it for a while but ended up putting him on the same prescription formula that had helped Sophie. When Nate was 2 months old he got his 1st ear infection and by November I was pushing for tubes to try and avoid the same hearing loss that Sophie had suffered.  The ENT wanted to wait until he was at least 6-monhts old so we waited until December but another ear infection crept up and so they allowed him to have the surgery just a few days shy of his 6-month birthday.  All of this I handled in stride.  This is my 3rd child - there is not much than can be thrown at me at this point.  I’ve seen it all and dealt with most of it!  I love being Nate’s mom!!

I am the mother of 3 children and I think I am a good mom.  I know how to be a mom to each of them as they are all 3 so different. I love being a mom – it is the 1st thing that I have loved doing so much that I never want to stop.  I love the feeling I get when they walk into a room and I feel how much I love them bubble up from the inside. 

I know how to be a mom but I do not know how to be a mom of a diabetic. I am struggling every day with it. My heart still breaks when I look at him.  I am still mourning his health.  When will this end?  I want this to go away.  I hate diabetes. I never knew that I hated diabetes until September 17th, 2009 but that is the day that I started hating diabetes.  I can’t really think of anything else that I hate – I’m not really a hater but I hate diabetes.  It has made me feel like I am no longer the super mom that I once was.  Diabetes is my kryptonite.  I’ve lost all of my super mom powers!  I can’t make this go away.  WHY WON’T IT GO AWAY?


9 comments:

Cheryl said...

Laura, you WILL figure it all out . . .it will take time but you WILl figure it out. Nate is a handsome, happy baby boy who has won all of our hearts . . .remember, God chose you to be his Mommy for a good reason . .go look in the mirror . . .you will see a remarkable young woman . . .who WILL figure it out.

Laura Houston said...

HA! You never stop being a mom - huh, Mom?

Halloween is a little hard for the 1st holiday since the diagnosis.

Meri said...

You haven't lost your powers...they are just upgrading. It takes some time to download...but when they do, get ready for super mom powers 2.0! Soon you will notice they are stronger and more versatile! Your strength will surprise you!

Joanne said...

I remember that first halloween being so hard too. Elise was only 13 months old, so she didn't get it, but it made me think of all the halloweens to come.

I still mourn Elise's health. It was so hard at first, but there will come a day that there will be moments that you actually forget that Nate has diabetes. I know it's hard for you right now because his numbers are so crazy. But soon you will start seeing good numbers, and you will become more confident, and then you will realize that you were Super Mom all along, now you're just Super
D(uper) Mom!

Yup, I am being sooooo cheezy. I blame it on my current sugar high!

Lora said...

I think Meri said it best. We have all been there. I for sure was right where you are; reflux, dairy intolerance, adnoids, the ear infections, 2 sets of tubes, one set of tubes that refused to fall out and had to be removed, speech therapy and much more.
But the Diabetes killed me... it does take a little while, but I can now stand proudly to say "I've got this". You too, will be there soon.

phonelady said...

yes agreed diabetes has to be one of the hardest diseases to go through with kids .

Hallie said...

It's not easy. Some days are good and I think, "I've got this". Some days are horrible and I don't know how I'll make it though. But I do. And you will, too. And you WILL be stronger because of it. I'm still new at this. I have no magic answers. Just understanding. You're doing great. You will continue to do great. You are stronger than this disease. Try not to be too hard on yourself! You're human and it's ok to be mad, sad, happy and everything in between. Hugs!

Wendy said...

This is quite a disease to tackle.

But, just wait....you're going to be more than a SUPER MOM!!!

You're going to be a SUPER HERO MOM!!!!

(((HUGS)))

Brandan & Haylie said...

We've never met but somehow I've stumbled across your blog. I also have a T1 child. He was diagnosed at age 4 and he is now 8 years old. I'll never forget the advice my own mother gave to me that dreadful day..."You can do this. You're his mother." More and more I find this to be true. I can do this because I am a mom. As mothers we are blessed to be able to 'know' when things aren't right with our children. So for now just trust your instincts and know that you can do this too because you're a mom!!!
Haylie Worthen, Utah
rbhaworthen@yahoo.com (contact me if you want)