Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Seven Days

After 3.5 years of remission - it took 7 days for a full blown flare.  Seven Days.

I am not going to go into what a full blown flare looks like again.  If you are having trouble remembering or you are new to HWHAP - you can read: The Sh*t that is Crohn's Disease here! I don't mince words in that post.

Last Monday, the 12th was her Remicade appointment date but we found out the Friday beforehand that there was a lapse in her coverage and we were having trouble getting answers.  There were words like:  pre-existing condition, pre-authorization and you need to call financial services but ultimately they canceled her appointment and would not allow us to cash pay.  I was frustrated but not OVERLY concerned. #Mistake

I honestly had no idea she would get this sick so fast.  After 3.5 years you forget. You forget how completely awful it is.  It is so awful! I was even brazen enough to allow myself to believe that she would be ok.  Maybe she doesn't even need Remicade anymore!  Maybe, just maybe she can stay in remission without it!  Her doctor has told me countless times that they do NOT take children off of biologics - it just does not happen.  Why would I allow myself to think Sophie would be the exception? I don't know why.  I just know that it is hard, hard to know that your child will need this for the REST OF HER LIFE. It hit pretty hard. Again.  Which seems ridiculous but this disease is ridiculous so I think it is only fair that my emotions can be ridiculous too!

I left Sophie for a few minutes this morning to run to the gift shop and cafeteria.  While in the gift shop my emotions got the better of me and tears started flowing. Being here is hard. Coming through the ER was so hard.  We were in the same room that we had when Nate was diagnosed.  Being back on the GI floor brought back so many feelings.  Just ALL OF IT is hard.  Another mom came up to me and asked if she could hug me.  Not is a creepy, stalker way! She had tears too.  The mom bond is strong.  Being the mom of a chronically ill child somehow, if possible, makes the bond even stronger.   I didn't even get her name, or her story, but I could see the sadness in her eyes too. We are same same.

And now here we site in her comfy suite at Children's Medical Center Dallas overlooking downtown, an IV in her arm -- she is receiving the Remicade that was previously denied and we are hoping this kick starts her little body right back into remission.  She wants to go home and although her doctors wanted to observe her for one more night, they are granting her wish and letting her go home tonight! As long as everything goes well, of course.  She will miss school for the rest of the week as she rests and allows her body to recover.

2.5 years of hell was forgotten in the 3.5 years of remission but it only took 7 days to bring it all back and now I am hoping 7 days to get her back into the remission bubble.  It may take mommy a little longer to forget and will certainly take a while for the guilt to go away.   This sweet girl pays the price when things go wrong, when balls are dropped, and denials are made.  It hurts every fiber of my being to see her suffer.

This girl though is fierce, she is a fighter, a warrior and she will warrior on.
I am so honored to be this warrior's mom.  #SuperSweetSophie #CrohnsFighter #WarriorOnLittleOne

Thank you all for your calls, texts, and messages!  Thank you also for always allowing me to come here when times are tough.  When things are good I easily forget what comfort I find here, it is nice to always be able to come back when it is needed.

Just a Mom

I am NOT a doctor, nor do I play one on this blog.

I AM a wife.
I AM the mom of 3 wonderful children.
I AM my son's pancreas.

The information provided on this blog is from our personal experiences with Type 1 diabetes. Because something works for us does not mean it will work for you.

Please consult your doctor if you have any questions or concerns about your health care options.

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