Yes, I have other blog posts sitting in my drafts but I just haven't had time to finish them up. I promise I will soon. In the meantime . . .
19. (4/26/11) I didn't have a lot planned today so I decided to take Sophie, Nate and Pancake on a walk this morning. We were playing near the lake area at the front of our neighborhood when a car slowed down and the woman inside smiled and gave us a small wave. I waved and smiled back but noticed that she lingered just a bit so I walked over to say hello. When I approached her car she burst into tears. I was a little taken back but had a very strong feeling that I needed to help her. When she stopped crying she told me how lovely my family was and how happy we looked. Picture Perfect. She then went on to tell me some very personal information that she had been dealing with and my heart just ached for her. She was literally just driving around in despair.
It was so easy for me to relate to this woman. I told her how I often feel overwhelmingly sad and stressed. I introduced her to Nate and his T1 and Sophie and her UC and explained how their diagnosis had sent me into a tail spin. I also shared with her how I am trying to find one thing that makes me happy, or that I am thankful for each day and she loved the idea.
We chatted for quite sometime while the children played with Pancake. She said just looking at us playing there by the lake we looked so happy --- like we didn't have a care in the world. Isn't it funny how that works? You never ever know someone's burden just by looking at them. There is so much more that you can learn if you take the time to listen.
I was her one good thing today. I listened.
Oh and she thought I was 28 so she was my one good thing too! :)
In all seriousness if I had seen her driving by I would never have guessed she had a problem in the world. She was dressed beautifully, hair done, makeup on, nice car, she was beautiful. I'm glad she stopped. I'm glad I listened. I hope I helped. She was my good thing today. Hoping I helped a little - I know she helped me. Understanding. Empathy. Sharing. :)
18. (4/25/11) Today I had lunch with my mom and her college roomie, Donna and Donna's mom. I love Donna!!! My mom, Donna and I were roomies when I was about 3 or 4 years old ---- I remember sitting in her room watching her put her makeup on. I thought she was beautiful then and she still is today. As a matter of fact I was watching Donna put on her makeup one evening while sitting in the window sill of her room. Next thing I knew I was outside and people were screaming all around me. I actually fell out of her 2nd story window and landed in the bushes below. Yep - pretty sure that's what's wrong with me. I loved seeing her today ---- we had a great visit. Happy. Fun. Slight Brain Damage.
17. (4/24/11) Easter Sunday
Family. Church. Family. Good Food. Family. Easter Egg Hunt. Family. Fun. Family.
16. (4/23/11) Easter Saturday - Family Drama and Family Illness - Making Peace.
My aunt has been my ROCK for more years than I like to count. She has never let me down and always, and I mean always been there for me when I needed her.
Trust me when I say ---- I was not the easiest teenager to raise. My mom and I went round and round. And round and round and round. Well, you get the idea. I was hard on my mom and my mom was often exasperated with me! It's not that I was necessarily a bad kid but I was (am) VERY strong willed. VERY STRONG WILLED. I do not back down and well, there have been times that this not so great characteristic of mine has gotten me into a little bit of trouble. My aunt never backed down and always stood beside me. She was there when I needed her and I needed her often.
She bought me books and instilled my love of reading, she taught me that family is family and you stand by them, she loves unconditionally - period. We have faced together the death of my grandfather (her father), my grandmother (her mother), my cousin (her only child), my uncle (her brother) and my uncle (her husband). Together we made it through the most difficult of times. Our family has had some severe storms that we have weathered together.
Don't get me wrong - there are a ton of good times too. Just thinking about the two of us hanging out brings a huge smile to my face. She is good people! :)
She was recently diagnosed with terminal lung cancer that has spread to her brain.
Where is my one good thing in this you might ask? It's in the finding peace.
We lost all of the above mentioned people without warning. A car accident took her son and my uncle, my grandfather died of lung cancer but it was so fast, and my grandmother had Alzheimer's. There was no goodbye.
I don't really know if this peace I feel now will continue once she is gone but for now I feel at peace.
She is currently undergoing radiation for the tumors in her brain and once that is done we will evaluate our next step. We could have months or years. Either way knowing someone is going to die is quite strange and comforting. We've been able to talk about it, cry about it, say things that needed to be said and prepare ourselves for what is to come. Don't get me wrong I am a bit overwhelmed at the thought of her not being here but there is a peace in my heart. We had a great visit on Saturday. Sad yet Peaceful. Overwhelmed yet Prepared. Unconditional Love.