#30 Ramblings of a Crazy D Mamma #NHBPM

This is the last day of Diabetes Awareness month.  I'm a little sad. Did I do enough? Did I do anything at all? Although I'm sure all of my Facebook friends are breathing a huge sigh of relief --- thank God Laura won't talk about diabetes anymore --- it doesn't stop here for me.  Diabetes awareness goes on and on and on and on for me and for my family.  I've really enjoyed writing a post each day for the National Health Blog Post Month #NHBPM.

I still have several posts brewing around in my head so maybe I'll keep up the momentum.  Maybe not.  We'll see.

I was thinking back to my 'life plan' --- yea I think I had one when I was a lot younger.  I was supposed to be married by 25, have babies by 27, white picket fence, happily ever after and blah blah blah . . .

I'm so glad things didn't go as planned.  I am not living the dream but I know I am blessed.

I am 38 years old (oh so close to 39) and am right where I am supposed to be.  I know it -- I know that my children were given to me for a very specific reason.  I am not bragging or conceited but there are people out there that absolutely could not do what I do.  That's right I said it.  I may have even been one of those people 10-15 years ago.  My life is not easy.  It is blessed and happy and loving and wonderful but it is not easy.

When people tell me that they could never do what I do I often respond with ---  yes, yes you could and you would.  But you know what ---- sometimes I'm like --- I know, you would totally suck at this.

My life is pretty much consumed by my children.  I've lost who I once was but I am ok with that --- I know I will find me again.  Right now I am doing what needs to be done to keep all of my children happy, healthy and safe.

There are days that I don't shower, brush my hair or leave my house.  Some days are so damn hard I yell at the top of my lungs ---- Why me???  When I do that I usually remind myself of the people that I think actually could not do what I do and thank the stars that my children were given to me and not them.

I am one amazing 'D-Mom' but I am total failure as a wife. Two Chronic illnesses has not been kind to my marriage.  I read a comment once that there had to have been cracks already in a marriage if something like this could break it up.  I'm calling BS on that.  Diabetes is a life changer.  It's not what we signed up for when we said I do and it has changed all of the rules.

I've lost my faith along the way.  I don't blame diabetes or UC for this at all.  It just is what it is.  I believe in something but I'm not sure what exactly.

I hate it when people tell me 'God doesn't give you more than you can handle'.  Hate it.  A good friend of mine told me this instead --->  Laura, God did not give this to you. She went on to say that God would see me through it but he did not give it to me.  I'm totally down with that!  God did not GIVE diabetes to Nate.  God did not give UC to Sweet Sophie.  He didn't.  I'm sorry but if there is a God I do not believe he would give this to anyone.

Sometimes I get diabetes burn out.  Bad.  This weekend one day I only checked Nate's bg 3 times.  What the hell?  I relied way too much on Dexcom.  I was just over it.  I feel a little guilty sometimes about the burnout. I don't even have diabetes --- am I even allowed to get burn out?  Nate has to live with it for the rest of his freaking life.  <--- sometimes that really bums me out.

I remember when Emma was a newborn and I was so overwhelmed with being a mommy.  No one tells you how hard that shit it.  OMG - maybe they did and I didn't listen but damn I was so tired and totally overwhelmed.  Yea - that's what diabetes feels like.  All of the time.

Sometimes people are talking to me and I have no idea what the crap they are talking about.  Blah Blah Blah Blah . . . . normally this is what is going on in my head . . .

So, if I'm staring off into space with a confused look on my face.  Please see photos above --- I'm trying to do that in my head or I could just be ignoring you.  Hard to say for sure.

I get embarrassed when people tell me that I am an inspiration or I've helped them through my blog.  Because I know sometimes I just sound like a CrAzY ass cracker bitchin' and moanin' about all of my problems.  That being said I'm glad my brutal honesty has helped in a small way.

Things I hate:

I hate the stigma associated with diabetes.  Come on, people.  Nate was 14-months when he was diagnosed.  You seriously think it was lack of exercise?  You're a damn fool.

I hate it when people offer up sugar free options.  What the crap?  It still has carbs.

I hate the way I expect everyone to just understand.

I hate that time right before dinner when everything is coming together. The main dish and the sides are all perfectly timed to be done at the same time, I'm trying to get the table set, measure and weigh Nate's food, check his blood sugar and bolus him while I am still counting the carbs in my head.  That totally stresses me out.  Oh and I hate that it happens every single night.  Well, except when my timing is off and the meatloaf isn't done on time.

I hate it when random people tell me about their great aunt that had to have their foot removed because she had the 'bad kind' of diabetes.

I hate the way diabetes has made me fat. I stress eat and am too tired to work out.  That's the truth.  So tired!! Need more sleep!


Things I love:

I love Nate's insulin pump, The OmniPod

I will love it more when it is smaller.

I WOULD love it if we had someone like Steve Jobs working in the diabetes world.  I want to bolus from my iPhone.

I love the Diabetes Online Community.  Still wishing for the commune and the sister wife.  I already have at least one picked out.  Hi Nicole!!  :)

I love that Nate was able to get on Medicaid when private insurance would not cover him.

I love that I still have a killer sense of humor.  I'm funny.

I love that I am able to blog about all of this and I love that people actually read it.  I love comments -- remember?

I think that's all I've got.

Diabetes doesn't define me but it certainly has made me a completely different person than I was before it came into my life.  I don't always like what it's doing to me and to Nate and to my family but it's here to stay so I might as well put on my big girl panties and deal with it.  Right?


Thank you for reading my last post for. . .
NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#29 Nick Jonas talks about Type 1 #NHBPM

The Houston family is down and out with strep so today I am posting this video of Nick Jonas (such a cutie) and Larry King discussing Nick's T1.

Enjoy.








This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#28 The Blue Heel Society #NHBPM

Are you a member? Don't know what I'm talking about? 


Check it out:


The Blue Heel Society

About: 

This organization is dedicated to all  people living with, caring for, or interested in diabetes. The Blue Heel Society was formed on November 13th, the eve of World Diabetes Day, 2011 by a dedicated trio of spirited advocates who committed themselves to promoting awareness, pursuing the continued fight for a cure, highlighting obstacles people diagnosed with diabetes are faced with, and promoting advocacy for the diabetic community as a whole.

The Blue Heel Society accomplishes this NOT by raising funds, but by fueling our crusade with the strength, dedication, and passion of our partners.

Our Mission:

Advocacy - Awareness - Encouragement - Support

The mission of The Blue Heel Society is to deliver a clear, united voice via organized assembly within our own affiliation, and also at local and national gatherings, events, conventions, and other venues, helping to dispel myths, offer education and to champion the needs of people affected by diabetes.

We choose to stand up, be seen, and be heard in our Blue Heels.


Meet the Co-Founders 

"LEXI":
Mother of two amazing super-heroes, wife to my better half, JDRF Walk Chair/Volunteer, and SO much more. Strong advocate for Type 1 Diabetes, Alopecia Areata, & Congential Adrenal Hyperplasia.

"T":
35 years as a Type 1 Diabetic.  Endurance mountain bike racer, blogger, bear dodger, and tech guy.

"DWOWW":

Mother of a young pump wearing Type 1 diabetic, diagnosed 18 months ago.  Has a keen eye for shoes, and a heart for raising diabetic awareness and promoting advocacy for the cause.

You can follow The Blue Heel Society at Blue Heel Society and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/BlueHeelSociety and on Twitter at twitter.com/blueheelsociety

Don't wear heels?  That's ok --- neither do I!

Kick it in your blue shoes . . . 






This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#27 Making it look easy #NHBPM

Even when Nate was 1st diagnosed and I had no idea WTF I was doing I had an overwhelming desire to at least make it appear as if I knew what I was doing.  I think it is the mommy in me that wanted to make people think that everything was ok --- everything was just fine.  I've always been pretty cool and confident and I didn't want anyone to know that I was scared to death.

I even remember someone telling me a few days after Nate was diagnosed that it would become second nature and that she knew a family that had been living with type 1 for years and it was no big deal.  Wow!  I thought --- I can't wait to get to that point --- no big deal?  Second nature?

Bring it on.

Yea --- I'm here to tell ya --- 2 years and 2 months later.  That's a load of crap.  Yes, it is not quite as overwhelming as it was before but it's certainly still a big deal and it's really not that easy ----- NO MATTER HOW EASY I MAKE IT LOOK --- it's still hard.  I am just a mom --- I am NOT a pancreas.  Yea, I read the book, Think Like a Pancreas and it helped but I'm still not thinking that much like a pancreas.  That pancreas has a freaking hard job.

Does this look like I'm thinking like a damn pancreas?

It's a hard job for sure.

I encourage everyone to read this article on CNN Health - Artificial Pancreas could be 'holy grail' for type 1 diabetics.

And then sign the Artificial Pancreas Petition here, please.

Living with type 1 diabetes has become our life.  It is the life that Nate was given and as his mom it is my job (at this point) to do everything in my power to keep him safe and healthy.  I hope I do make it look easy.  I hope people looking in from the outside don't see how it consumes me.  Most of all I hope that I can teach Nate how to live easy with diabetes and I hope that the FDA will make the artificial pancreas a reality for all those that live with type 1 diabetes.

GO. SIGN. IT. NOW.

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#26 Dr. Google and Diabetes #NHBPM

Yea, yea, yea - - - It's the 27th.  I missed my post yesterday.  But here it is today.  Better late than never.

Nate's been sick.  He's been running a fever for days and has a terrible cough.  It's been really bad.  Obviously, graduating from the Google School of Medicine I tried to diagnose the little guy but sadly a fever and a cough can be just about anything . . .

Whooping cough, swine flu, bronchitis, pneumonia, or just a common cold.

I usually can diagnose my family a little better than that.  I guess I'll have to cave and actually take him to a real doctor if he's not feeling better by tomorrow.  Sweet little guy --- I can't remember the last time he wanted to snuggle so much.

I am thankful that we have been able to manage his diabetes well through this illness.  I cannot imagine dealing with him being so sick and still being on NPH.  He has not eaten much at all in 3 days --- we've had a few lows but nothing crazy.  We've cut back on basals and we've stopped pre-bolusing for anything that he eats because he doesn't seem to finish anything.

Although any illness with Nate makes me a little nervous, this time I have felt much more at ease.  It's never fun to see your children sick but what many don't know is that with T1 something as small as a common cold can become something quite serious quickly.  #Scary

I feel like we are through the worst part with this one and am feeling so thankful for Nate's OmniPod and the ability easily dial back his insulin intake.

Keep calm and Google on ----





This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#25 Words to live by . . . #NHBPM

Thanksgiving has put me a little behind and now Nate is sick.  Little man is running a fever and has a terrible cough.  This is pretty much the only time he will snuggle with me anymore so please accept my apologies but I'm keeping this short and sweet so I can go snuggle with my sweet little boy.

I thought tonight I would post some of my favorite saying and words to live by (thank you, Pinterest!).
So, here you go . . .

and the last 2 are just funny ...

Snuggle time . . .



This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#24 - Free Pass - Happy Thanksgiving! #NHBPM

Today I am using one of my 'get out of the post free' days so that I can enjoy spending time with my family this Thanksgiving day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#23 A Re-Post - Welcome to Holland #NHBPM

Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience, to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. 


It's like this...


When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. Michelangelo's David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland ?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland ?? I signed up for Italy! All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say: "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about Holland.

Copyright © 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley
All Rights Reserved

I've learned to love Holland.  I love all of the amazing people in Holland and I am a stronger woman because of my life here in Holland.






This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#22 - Hope on 2 Wheels #NHBPM

My friend, Scott Kasper is doing something pretty amazing and I am so happy to share it with you here.  


Scott and I 'met' shortly after Nate was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  I read this post by Scott on Six Until Me and stalked him until I found him ---- not only did I adore his photography but also his fantastic way of positively sharing his family's story of living without limits.  Scott and his wife, Rachel have 3 boys, 2 of which have type 1. Both Rachel and Scott raised over $15,000 this year for JDRF by participating in the JDRF Ride to Cure. Aaaaaamazing!


Scott and his friend, Michael Chadwick have now founded Hope on 2 Wheels which will promote the need to find a cure for type 1 through cycling.  Please see below for more information on Hope on 2 Wheels and then go 'like' their Facebook page to show your support. 

Description	There are approximately 3 million Americans living with Type 1 Diabetes. More than 40 children are newly diagnosed with T1D every single day! According to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF), approximately 1 out of every 20 people with T1D will DIE from low blood sugar. Hope on 2 Wheels riders will work to help raise awareness of JDRF activities aimed at prevention, improved treatment, and ultimately a cure for T1D
General Information	In June 2012, a group of cyclists will leave JDRF headquarters in New York City and ride non-stop, nearly 250 miles, to Washington, DC. Our ride will be a symbolic journey on which we will travel with a message of hope! We HOPE that the FDA hastens the process to approve new and innovative therapies and devices, not the least of which is the Artificial Pancreas! We HOPE that Congress continues to fund the various research initiatives aimed at prevention, improved treatment, and ultimately the cure for Type 1 Diabetes. We HOPE that our efforts in completing this physical challenge will raise awareness about the struggles that our children face every day! We HOPE that our efforts in completing this physical Challenge will raise awareness about the JDRF Ride to Cure program (http://www.ride.jdrf.org/) and the amazing contribution of those riders toward funding the cure for T1D!! Our HOPE travels on 2 Wheels!!!
Mission	Our mission is to promote awareness of Type 1 Diabetes in an effort to help JDRF, through its Ride to Cure program, raise money for improved therapies and ultimately the cure.
Awards	We're not doing this for any awards...we're doing this to cure our children!
Products	If you like what we're doing, please consider getting on a bicycle and signing up for one of the amazing JDRF Ride to Cure weekends. If you can't join a ride, please consider making a donation by sponsoring a rider! http://www.ride/jdrf.org

SO ---- GO!  Go 'LIKE' them on Facebook so you can keep up with what they are up to and let's all cheer them on in!!!   https://www.facebook.com/hopeon2wheels


Also, if you are looking for a new medical ID, visit the website of Scott's wife, Rachel, at RescueMeIDs! 




This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#21 - Bedtime and Diabetes #NHBPM

We have a bedtime routine ---- it's probably similar to bedtime routines all over the world.  Lots of hugs, kisses, bedtime stories, blood sugar checks (Oh wait --- that one might be a little different) and then the never ending battle to keep Nate in his bed!

You know the routine ---

I'm thirsty.
I need to potty.
Can I sleep in your bed?
I dropped my bwanket.
Where's my bubby (his lovie)?

Familiar - right?

Well, Nate has added a new one to the routine and it could be life threatening!  I know - I know - I'm always so dramatic!!

Nate has started taking off his Pod and Dex at night.

Now obviously the Dexcom is not a life-threatening situation --- or is it?  I certainly depend on it at night to alarm and alert me to a low or high bg.  Oh and not to mention the amount of money we spend on those sensors ---- I may just kill him if he takes another one off!!

His pod on the other hand could certainly turn into a life threatening situation pretty fast.  He's done it 2 or 3 times now.  Luckily, I've caught it early.  Last week when I did a midnight check his Dexcom said he was high so I did a bg check to confirm and when I went to give his correction the PDM could not connect to the pod. I rolled him over thinking I just wasn't getting close enough but upon further investigation there was no pod on his body.  I found it later in his toy basket.  Last night on one of his many trips out of his room he told me he needed to go to the bathroom.  I had just put the pod on about 30 minutes earlier so I carefully pulled down his pants. Hmmmm . . . his little butt was as smooth as a non-diabetic butt!  No pod!

Me: Nate where's you pod?
Nate: In the firetruck.
Me: Say what?
Nate: My pod is in my firetruck.
Me: Ok.

Oh look  --- there it is.  Right where he said it would be.  3rd pod change for the night and we are off to bed. Finally.

At the 3:00 check was over 250, I gave him insulin to correct and put him in bed with me.  At 5:00 he was a bit higher still so I gave him another correction and waited.  At 6:00 no change so I checked for ketones.  Large. Pulled out a syringe corrected again, pullled the pod and did our 4th pod change in 24 hours.  There was blood in the cannula but it wasn't occluded.  Some insulin was getting through so no alarm.

Nate's body doesn't produce insulin so we depend on his insulin pump to provide the life saving hormone to him.  It's important that he keep it ON!

Ketones are produced when your body starts burning fat for energy instead of glucose.
Dangerously high levels of ketones can lead to diabetic coma or death.

Ketoacidosis (key-toe-ass-i-DOE-sis) is a serious condition that can lead to diabetic coma (passing out for a long time) or even death. When your cells don't get the glucose they need for energy, your body begins to burn fat for energy, which produces ketones. Ketones are acids that build up in the blood and appear in the urine when your body doesn't have enough insulin. 

Just another day in the life of a toddler with type 1.  

And another reason why this mama chooses to get up every 2 to 3 hours to check Nate's blood sugar.  

Keep calm and check on . . . 

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#20 - OmniParty #OmniPod #NHBPM

This afternoon we went to the 1st ever OmniParty which was just amazing.  It was hosted at Top Golf in Allen (great choice, Natalie!) and to my delight it was packed full of pod people!  There were other vendors and sponsors there including Dexcom, Meals to Live, Tyler Type One and several others. Loved it!

It was amazing!  Did I say that already?

Robyn Cox, a dolphin trainer from Sea World San Antonio spoke about her experience with OmniPod and living a full life with Type 1.  I got to hang with Jessica and Joanne and both of their lovely families as well as several other D-peeps and fellow pod peeps that I've been really wanting to meet!!

Our OmniPod sales rep and clinical specialist are so wonderful and supportive ---- I'm constantly impressed with their customer service and willingness to support their patients.  They put this event together just to support type ones and help those living with diabetes  make connections with other families living the same life. A huge thank you to Paul & Natalie and Alex and all those that made this afternoon/evening possible.  It was greatness!  Thank you - Thank you - Thank you!

Oh and I have to give a shout out to Meals to Live for Super Nate ----

Nate LOVES their Glucose Quick Sticks for treating low blood sugars.  They are similar to pixie sticks so they are super easy to keep on hand, they are 5g of carbs each, provide 100% of daily vitamin C and are gluten free.  We love them!

Keep calm and OmniParty on . . .

#19 - A Normal Boy with Diabetes #NHBPM

I so often hear parent of children with diabetes say the words . . . he is a normal boy and can do anything anyone else can do.  I'm guilty of uttering those words myself.  With all of the chatter about 1 in 20 I am a little worried that people around me may get the wrong idea.  So, for the record Nate is a very healthy little boy.  Besides diabetes there is nothing else ailing him.  He can do just about anything any other little boy can do.

Well, EXCEPT FOR WHEN HE CAN'T.

As much as I like to say that he can there are times when he actually cannot be like any other little boy . . .

Nate CAN eat anything he wants and we don't restrict him on much but unfortunately he cannot eat anything with carbohydrates if his blood sugar is over 190. There's no law against it --- it's just the number we try to stay below so if he's already there then we need to wait until his blood sugar is lower to feed him.  Sadly, sometimes this can take hours.  No, we don't starve him but we do try and offer carb free options.  Not always a big hit with a 3-year old!

Nate can eat anything he wants for breakfast we just need to know what he wants to eat and how much he will eat of it about 30 minutes before he can actually eat it.  Yea - he's 3.  It's not always easy to distract a 3 year old for 30 minutes after they wake up hungry and wanting to eat or figure out how much of what he will eat but we do it each and every single day.

Nate loves gymnastics and is quite the little gymnast.  I'm pretty sure he is Olympics bound. He can run and jump and climb and swing and bounce and stretch and do everything the other little boys are doing except when his blood sugar is 43. When he blood sugar is low he really can't do much of anything. Especially gymnastics.

Nate is a very sweet, kind-hearted little boy.  He loves to sing, dance and give him mama big bear hugs.  I love those big bear hugs!!  He can be a very well behaved little boy except for when he can't.  Sometimes his blood sugar is too high and it makes him feel really bad and sometimes his blood sugar drops from high to low rapidly and he cannot control his behavior or emotions. When this happens he loses all control and to someone on the outside it might look like he is having the mother of all tantrums but sadly they are out of his control.

Nate really is a very normal little boy but he does have diabetes so the fact of the matter is there are times when he just can't do things that others can do.  These are the times when I wish I could take his diabetes from him.  Unfortunately, I can't but what I can do is keep advocating for type 1 and asking you to do the same.

Please sign the Artificial Pancreas petition and help those living with diabetes at http://bit.ly/nQY3QM!'

Keep calm and advocate on!

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#18 - Pod Parts #NHBPM

Nate wears a tubeless insulin pump called the OmniPod . . .

We do lots of fun things with them once he's done with them.  The girls love to make OrnaPods and OrnaMagents but Nate . . . he likes to destroy them!  He throws them down on the ground as hard as he can to see if he can get them to bust open!  He loves throwing them in the pool when they alarm and most of all he loves taking them apart and checking out all of the cool parts on the inside . . .

 This is the inside of the little pod that keeps Nate alive.  He wears his pod (insulin pump) 24 hours a day - 7 days a week.

We change his pod every two to three days!

We fill it with insulin, activate it, prime it, stick it on his little body parts and then hit start.

 Once we hit the start button it automatically inserts the cannula into his skin with that massive needle that you see above.  A lot of people think that the pod is just stuck to his skin like a patch or sticker not realizing that every 3 days we insert the massive needle into Nate's skin.  Yea - he hates that part.

All 3 kiddos love to look for the little robot man that lives inside of the pod . . .

Lots of fancy parts, a few small batteries and one big ol' needle = Life Support for Nate.
 

Sleeping Nate sporting the pod on this leg . . .

Keep calm and pod on . . .





This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

#17 - Diabetes Dude takes on Times Square #NHBPM

What the FLOCK?  He's at it again . . .

Noah, The Diabetes Dude flocked NY again.  Check out this link to see all of the amazing pictures!
Nate and I couldn't make it this year --- maybe someday!!   But we were there in spirit and oh yea on the Kodak Jumbotron . . .

A huge thank you to Noah and his awesomely supportive family.  Super Nate and the rest of the family think you rock!!

Keep calm and FLOCK on!!





This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J