This is the last day of Diabetes Awareness month.  I'm a little sad. Did I do enough? Did I do anything at all? Although I'm sure all of my Facebook friends are breathing a huge sigh of relief --- thank God Laura won't talk about diabetes anymore --- it doesn't stop here for me.  Diabetes awareness goes on and on and on and on for me and for my family.  I've really enjoyed writing a post each day for the National Health Blog Post Month #NHBPM.

I still have several posts brewing around in my head so maybe I'll keep up the momentum.  Maybe not.  We'll see.

I was thinking back to my 'life plan' --- yea I think I had one when I was a lot younger.  I was supposed to be married by 25, have babies by 27, white picket fence, happily ever after and blah blah blah . . .

I'm so glad things didn't go as planned.  I am not living the dream but I know I am blessed.

I am 38 years old (oh so close to 39) and am right where I am supposed to be.  I know it -- I know that my children were given to me for a very specific reason.  I am not bragging or conceited but there are people out there that absolutely could not do what I do.  That's right I said it.  I may have even been one of those people 10-15 years ago.  My life is not easy.  It is blessed and happy and loving and wonderful but it is not easy.

When people tell me that they could never do what I do I often respond with ---  yes, yes you could and you would.  But you know what ---- sometimes I'm like --- I know, you would totally suck at this.

My life is pretty much consumed by my children.  I've lost who I once was but I am ok with that --- I know I will find me again.  Right now I am doing what needs to be done to keep all of my children happy, healthy and safe.

There are days that I don't shower, brush my hair or leave my house.  Some days are so damn hard I yell at the top of my lungs ---- Why me???  When I do that I usually remind myself of the people that I think actually could not do what I do and thank the stars that my children were given to me and not them.

I am one amazing 'D-Mom' but I am total failure as a wife. Two Chronic illnesses has not been kind to my marriage.  I read a comment once that there had to have been cracks already in a marriage if something like this could break it up.  I'm calling BS on that.  Diabetes is a life changer.  It's not what we signed up for when we said I do and it has changed all of the rules.

I've lost my faith along the way.  I don't blame diabetes or UC for this at all.  It just is what it is.  I believe in something but I'm not sure what exactly.

I hate it when people tell me 'God doesn't give you more than you can handle'.  Hate it.  A good friend of mine told me this instead --->  Laura, God did not give this to you. She went on to say that God would see me through it but he did not give it to me.  I'm totally down with that!  God did not GIVE diabetes to Nate.  God did not give UC to Sweet Sophie.  He didn't.  I'm sorry but if there is a God I do not believe he would give this to anyone.

Sometimes I get diabetes burn out.  Bad.  This weekend one day I only checked Nate's bg 3 times.  What the hell?  I relied way too much on Dexcom.  I was just over it.  I feel a little guilty sometimes about the burnout. I don't even have diabetes --- am I even allowed to get burn out?  Nate has to live with it for the rest of his freaking life.  <--- sometimes that really bums me out.

I remember when Emma was a newborn and I was so overwhelmed with being a mommy.  No one tells you how hard that shit it.  OMG - maybe they did and I didn't listen but damn I was so tired and totally overwhelmed.  Yea - that's what diabetes feels like.  All of the time.

Sometimes people are talking to me and I have no idea what the crap they are talking about.  Blah Blah Blah Blah . . . . normally this is what is going on in my head . . .



So, if I'm staring off into space with a confused look on my face.  Please see photos above --- I'm trying to do that in my head or I could just be ignoring you.  Hard to say for sure.

I get embarrassed when people tell me that I am an inspiration or I've helped them through my blog.  Because I know sometimes I just sound like a CrAzY ass cracker bitchin' and moanin' about all of my problems.  That being said I'm glad my brutal honesty has helped in a small way.

Things I hate:

I hate the stigma associated with diabetes.  Come on, people.  Nate was 14-months when he was diagnosed.  You seriously think it was lack of exercise?  You're a damn fool.

I hate it when people offer up sugar free options.  What the crap?  It still has carbs.

I hate the way I expect everyone to just understand.

I hate that time right before dinner when everything is coming together. The main dish and the sides are all perfectly timed to be done at the same time, I'm trying to get the table set, measure and weigh Nate's food, check his blood sugar and bolus him while I am still counting the carbs in my head.  That totally stresses me out.  Oh and I hate that it happens every single night.  Well, except when my timing is off and the meatloaf isn't done on time.

I hate it when random people tell me about their great aunt that had to have their foot removed because she had the 'bad kind' of diabetes.

I hate the way diabetes has made me fat. I stress eat and am too tired to work out.  That's the truth.  So tired!! Need more sleep!


Things I love:

I love Nate's insulin pump, The OmniPod

I will love it more when it is smaller.

I WOULD love it if we had someone like Steve Jobs working in the diabetes world.  I want to bolus from my iPhone.

I love the Diabetes Online Community.  Still wishing for the commune and the sister wife.  I already have at least one picked out.  Hi Nicole!!  :)

I love that Nate was able to get on Medicaid when private insurance would not cover him.

I love that I still have a killer sense of humor.  I'm funny.

I love that I am able to blog about all of this and I love that people actually read it.  I love comments -- remember?

I think that's all I've got.

Diabetes doesn't define me but it certainly has made me a completely different person than I was before it came into my life.  I don't always like what it's doing to me and to Nate and to my family but it's here to stay so I might as well put on my big girl panties and deal with it.  Right?


Thank you for reading my last post for. . .
NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

Yea, yea, yea - - - It's the 27th.  I missed my post yesterday.  But here it is today.  Better late than never.

Nate's been sick.  He's been running a fever for days and has a terrible cough.  It's been really bad.  Obviously, graduating from the Google School of Medicine I tried to diagnose the little guy but sadly a fever and a cough can be just about anything . . .

Whooping cough, swine flu, bronchitis, pneumonia, or just a common cold.

I usually can diagnose my family a little better than that.  I guess I'll have to cave and actually take him to a real doctor if he's not feeling better by tomorrow.  Sweet little guy --- I can't remember the last time he wanted to snuggle so much.

I am thankful that we have been able to manage his diabetes well through this illness.  I cannot imagine dealing with him being so sick and still being on NPH.  He has not eaten much at all in 3 days --- we've had a few lows but nothing crazy.  We've cut back on basals and we've stopped pre-bolusing for anything that he eats because he doesn't seem to finish anything.

Although any illness with Nate makes me a little nervous, this time I have felt much more at ease.  It's never fun to see your children sick but what many don't know is that with T1 something as small as a common cold can become something quite serious quickly.  #Scary

I feel like we are through the worst part with this one and am feeling so thankful for Nate's OmniPod and the ability easily dial back his insulin intake.

Keep calm and Google on ----





This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

We have a bedtime routine ---- it's probably similar to bedtime routines all over the world.  Lots of hugs, kisses, bedtime stories, blood sugar checks (Oh wait --- that one might be a little different) and then the never ending battle to keep Nate in his bed!

You know the routine ---

I'm thirsty.
I need to potty.
Can I sleep in your bed?
I dropped my bwanket.
Where's my bubby (his lovie)?

Familiar - right?

Well, Nate has added a new one to the routine and it could be life threatening!  I know - I know - I'm always so dramatic!!

Nate has started taking off his Pod and Dex at night.

Now obviously the Dexcom is not a life-threatening situation --- or is it?  I certainly depend on it at night to alarm and alert me to a low or high bg.  Oh and not to mention the amount of money we spend on those sensors ---- I may just kill him if he takes another one off!!

His pod on the other hand could certainly turn into a life threatening situation pretty fast.  He's done it 2 or 3 times now.  Luckily, I've caught it early.  Last week when I did a midnight check his Dexcom said he was high so I did a bg check to confirm and when I went to give his correction the PDM could not connect to the pod. I rolled him over thinking I just wasn't getting close enough but upon further investigation there was no pod on his body.  I found it later in his toy basket.  Last night on one of his many trips out of his room he told me he needed to go to the bathroom.  I had just put the pod on about 30 minutes earlier so I carefully pulled down his pants. Hmmmm . . . his little butt was as smooth as a non-diabetic butt!  No pod!

Me: Nate where's you pod?
Nate: In the firetruck.
Me: Say what?
Nate: My pod is in my firetruck.
Me: Ok.






















Oh look  --- there it is.  Right where he said it would be.  3rd pod change for the night and we are off to bed. Finally.

At the 3:00 check was over 250, I gave him insulin to correct and put him in bed with me.  At 5:00 he was a bit higher still so I gave him another correction and waited.  At 6:00 no change so I checked for ketones.  Large. Pulled out a syringe corrected again, pullled the pod and did our 4th pod change in 24 hours.  There was blood in the cannula but it wasn't occluded.  Some insulin was getting through so no alarm.

Nate's body doesn't produce insulin so we depend on his insulin pump to provide the life saving hormone to him.  It's important that he keep it ON!

Ketones are produced when your body starts burning fat for energy instead of glucose.
Dangerously high levels of ketones can lead to diabetic coma or death.

Ketoacidosis (key-toe-ass-i-DOE-sis) is a serious condition that can lead to diabetic coma (passing out for a long time) or even death. When your cells don't get the glucose they need for energy, your body begins to burn fat for energy, which produces ketones. Ketones are acids that build up in the blood and appear in the urine when your body doesn't have enough insulin. 



This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

This afternoon we went to the 1st ever OmniParty which was just amazing.  It was hosted at Top Golf in Allen (great choice, Natalie!) and to my delight it was packed full of pod people!  There were other vendors and sponsors there including Dexcom, Meals to Live, Tyler Type One and several others. Loved it!

It was amazing!  Did I say that already?

Robyn Cox, a dolphin trainer from Sea World San Antonio spoke about her experience with OmniPod and living a full life with Type 1.  I got to hang with Jessica and Joanne and both of their lovely families as well as several other D-peeps and fellow pod peeps that I've been really wanting to meet!!

Our OmniPod sales rep and clinical specialist are so wonderful and supportive ---- I'm constantly impressed with their customer service and willingness to support their patients.  They put this event together just to support type ones and help those living with diabetes  make connections with other families living the same life. A huge thank you to Paul & Natalie and Alex and all those that made this afternoon/evening possible.  It was greatness!  Thank you - Thank you - Thank you!

Oh and I have to give a shout out to Meals to Live for Super Nate ----



Nate LOVES their Glucose Quick Sticks for treating low blood sugars.  They are similar to pixie sticks so they are super easy to keep on hand, they are 5g of carbs each, provide 100% of daily vitamin C and are gluten free.  We love them!



Keep calm and OmniParty on . . .

Nate wears a tubeless insulin pump called the OmniPod . . .

We do lots of fun things with them once he's done with them.  The girls love to make OrnaPods and OrnaMagents but Nate . . . he likes to destroy them!  He throws them down on the ground as hard as he can to see if he can get them to bust open!  He loves throwing them in the pool when they alarm and most of all he loves taking them apart and checking out all of the cool parts on the inside . . .

 This is the inside of the little pod that keeps Nate alive.  He wears his pod (insulin pump) 24 hours a day - 7 days a week.

We change his pod every two to three days!

We fill it with insulin, activate it, prime it, stick it on his little body parts and then hit start.


 Once we hit the start button it automatically inserts the cannula into his skin with that massive needle that you see above.  A lot of people think that the pod is just stuck to his skin like a patch or sticker not realizing that every 3 days we insert the massive needle into Nate's skin.  Yea - he hates that part.

All 3 kiddos love to look for the little robot man that lives inside of the pod . . .


Lots of fancy parts, a few small batteries and one big ol' needle = Life Support for Nate.
 


Sleeping Nate sporting the pod on this leg . . .


Keep calm and pod on . . .





This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J