That's right people - I am having an affair with diabetes.
It has consumed me.
I think of D all of the time.
It's the 1st thing I think of when I wake up (at 2AM, 4AM and 6AM) and the last thing I think about when I go to bed (at midnight after one last bg check).
You see it started almost 1 year ago - - - 9/17/09 is the official anniversary date.
I've tried to break it off with D numerous times but D is persistent. D enters my brain hundreds of times a day and always makes my heart flutter, my stomach whirl around and my eyes fill with tears.
This affair has taken me away from the most important people in my life -- my husband, my children, my parents, family members and my beloved friends. I feel ashamed at how they have all taken a back burner.
While I am up at night with D I should be sleeping, resting, preparing my body for the busy days that wait for me but instead D & I are up at night. Some nights all night. Most nights fighting. Some nights I win the battle. Some nights D wins the battle (BUT WILL NEVER WIN THE WAR!).
I've done a good job hiding my affair from my children. I make sure that they never know how consumed I am with D. Especially how much time I spend with D at night. The problem is even though they do not know what I am doing each night I think it is taking a toll on my relationship with all 3 of my children. When I don't sleep for days I have to admit - I am grumpy, short-tempered, sleepy, and overwhelmed by the smallest of tasks. I know that they notice. They are aware that I no longer have the energy that I once did and I am quite sure that they have noticed the difference in my appearance. Just the other day sweet Emma asked "Mommy, why don't you ever dress fancy anymore?". In her mind that just means putting on something more than work out cloths, a pony tail and maybe throwing on a bit of makeup.
My husband? Well, unfortunately he's well aware of my little fling with D. He's not happy about it. He hates it actually but what is he going to do? Make me choose? I don't think so. So, he patiently waits for me every day and every night. He waits in line behind D and takes what is left of me to give. Poor Jim!
I would love to break off my affair but at this time I am still consumed by all things D. It's been almost a year and things are still hot and heavy! I don't see that changing at the 1-year mark but I am quite sure things will cool down at some point? Perhaps when D moves out of my house??? Maybe???
Hey, I thought D and I were an item!
But really, I hear that it doesn't ever end...my Mother-in-Law still worries about the hubs d. She offers money to pay for things. She slyly finds out his recent A1C's...while DH and I were dating she'd call when we would go on long car trips just to "make sure things were okay." When we lived in Houston she'd call me to ask if "things" were okay...and I knew each and every time that "thing" actually was diabetes. I knew she wanted to know that his feet weren't tingling. I know she wants to hear that he doesn't have any issues with his eyes. I know she applauds after every doc visit when he's told his kidney function is fine. So, no sorry this is a looonnnggggg lasting affair, but it does seem to become less hot and heavy :)
LOL...guilty of having this affair too!
I also hate that D keeps me up and therefore makes me grumpy and tired. I hate the mom it has turned me into. I yell more and play less. If D could just give me a little rest and return my patience, things would be great. Glad I am not alone!
Oh Laura. We should talk. Not that I really have any answers, but I do think you will find you spend less time with this guy and sleep more and nit be so grumpy. I still have those days, but they get fewer and farther between. I really truly believe it will improve, perhaps slowly, but it will.
I had an affair with him once. It lasted a good 4 years. But I kicked him to the curb...we share custody of the blood sugars and the basal changes, but other than that I try not to think about what we had. He used me Laura, and he is using you. One day you feel free of him and will be left only with occasional uncomfortable conversations.
One thing is for sure. He won't have you forever. I promise, it won't be so hot and heavy someday. One day, you'll say "not tonight" and you will sleep! Like 5 hours straight! No kidding!
Love you sweet sister!
So very guilty of the same affair...after 17 months I don't see it ending too soon, but I would like it to. It's like a bad habit that I keep going back to. I will be so happy when I am free on D. This is one of the best analogies I have heard. Thank you for sharing.
He has me wrapped so tightly too..... Sleepless, grumpy and not my normal self,as my other kids tell me.
Our one year comes Oct. 1 and I feel he won't be gone by then, in fact he has Tyler wrapped too, as he is 14 and has only known him shy of a year.
I offer him to anyone for free....
Great post! Thanks..
Just a Mom
I AM a wife.
I AM the mom of 3 wonderful children.
I AM my son's pancreas.
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