Sunday, January 7, 2018

Prom Pictures with Dad and More Grief

Journaling from Sunday, January 7, 2018 (1:29 AM)

It’s so late, but I just can’t sleep tonight. Today has been my worst day so far. I really can’t believe there are tears left. There were so, so many tears and even full-blown snot bubbles. Gross. I’m disgusting. I cried so hard tonight that I threw up. I miss my dad so much. The thought of not seeing him ever again is just too much. 
We’ve been working on his memorial and tribute video. I’ve listened to 1 million of the saddest songs ever. I’m still listening to them. I can’t stop. We had such a special relationship - not like a ‘Butterfly Kisses’ relationship but more like a ‘That’s My Job’ by Conway Twitty relationship. I’ve always been a full-time job! He was my guy! The one that bailed me out of all of my messes! So many messes! I even miss him rolling his eyes at me. I miss everything about him. 
On another note, I got angry at Ian today. For no reason. Just because anger and he’s been so patient with me. There’s a spot on his chest that holds all of my tears. Every shirt he’s worn this week has my tears on them. He holds me and lets me cry. Sometimes he cries with me, but he’s been my rock. - Baby! This is me thanking you for loving me through this. Snot bubbles and all. 
Since I’m so sad and feel a bit bad for being so depressing every day, I’ll share some awesome 1990s prom pictures for your enjoyment. My kids think they’re hilarious! 
1990 Junior Year - my dad wore his usual clothes - he lived in coaching shorts! 

1991 Senior Year - I feel like my mom, Cheryl Doublin DeJulius probably bossed him and made him wear a suit for the prom pictures. Bossy pants. She may have even bought it for him


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Just a Mom

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