Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Am I Alone?

Since Nate's dx I have felt isolated. alone. sad. Did I already say alone? It's not everyday that you run across another family with a type 1 child that can understand what we are going through and can speak our new language.  I am so thankful for the 2 families I have met and formed friendships with through this crazy roller coaster ride.  I would be totally lost without my local D-mom friends Joanne and Jessica. Not to mention all of my other online D-Mom buddies that live inside of my computer!!

Still something my husband said this last weekend has stuck with me and I cannot seem to shake it. He just mentioned in passing that he had noticed I was not chatting or hanging out with any of my close friends anymore.  He then asked me if I thought it was because of diabetes.  Hmmmm . . . after some thought I decided that yes, it is most likely because of diabetes.  He shook his head and said that he thought so too.

You see diabetes is overwhelming.  It comes in uninvited and takes over your entire life. I eat, sleep, think and breathe diabetes.  Oh and let me just clear up the sleep part - - - I mean the lack of sleep!!

So, here I am missing my friends but not really reaching out to them because I feel like they don't get my New Normal Life. I feel like they just do not understand this new Crazy Good Life of a Mommy Going Crazy! All of this talk about Chasing Numbers, Finding Our Balance, Being A Pancreas and Death of a Pancreas is more than they want to hear. I mean really, who wants to hear about The Life & Times of our Diabetes and Then Some and our crazy Type 1 Game or how we are always trying to Stick It To Diabetes?  Do they even care about all of that?

I feel like people think I must be insane as I am screaming at My Diabetic Child . . . FORGET THE CHICKEN NUGGETS - YOU CAN'T PLAY ON THE PLAYGROUND UNTIL YOU EAT ALL YOUR FRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do they really want to hear the Ramblings of a Tired Mom's  Life with Diabetes on the Ride of our Lives with Type 1The Bittersweet Window to My World is closed because Our Diabetic Life is like the Candy Hearts that you get on Valentine's Day each one is different from the next.  This new Crazy Happy Life with our Beautiful Diabetic often feels like we are all alone on an Autoimmune Island so I am left with the people that understand me and my family best . . . the ones that live in my computer.  My friends with names like The Ripley Mommy, Diabetes Sweeties, 2 Green Eyed Girls, A Sweet Grace, This is Caleb, Diary of a Diabetic Princess, and the Older Side of Life.

I truly miss my friends and need to make an effort to reach out to them.  It is hard but if they are truly my friends then they will try to understand and love me and my family Diabetes and All.

My Son has Diabetes . . . Such Is Life . . . Sweet, Sassy and Sugar Free!!

Ok, so this really is a serious post but I thought I would make it fun with all of the blogs that I read.  If I left anyone out, please do not take it personally - - - it's the lack of sleep thing!!  I promise. That being said - it is time for a BG check and then my 2 hour nap before my next BG check.


Joanne said...

Awesome post... I loved the fun and seriousness of it. But I hear what you're saying, sometimes it is so much easier to hang with the people who get you and your life. I hate that there's that separation, but the just is.

You are right, the true friends will be there, diabetes and everything else.

I am so glad that I get to call you my friend! Miss you by the way... when can we hang out again?

Tracy said...

Loved the cuteness and the seriousness of this post. I don't have any friends outside of D that I hang out with either. Actually, I don't get out much at all.

Other than the D get togethers we have once in a while, we stick to home and my parents house mostly. My other friends just don't get it and I am tired of all of the questions.

You are not alone. Not by a long shot. I know how you feel. It's rough. My best friends want to help but they also don't want to push or make me uncomfortable - and they are scared too. Don't cut your preD friends out. Sometimes you need to be able to be with people who will help you think about something else- even for a short time. You also need us D moms who totally get it! Do your friends read your blog? I know mine do and they have said that it really helps them understand. I have more trouble at work where people are complaining and worrying over insignificant details. Irritates me. But I try to remind myself that a new perspective isn't such a bad thing. I'm sorry, Laura. One day we all woke up and our lives just changed forever. That's really hard. I bet your friends muss you, too. Maybe they want to learn and hear about it. And if not- then that's ok. You've ALWAYS got us!! Live and (((hugs))).

Ok, that was MISS you and LOVE and hugs. I can't text!

Meri said...

First I want to say that you are awesome for bringing in the cuteness and totally pulling it off without being too cute. :)

Second, a BIG part of why things get so hard for me is because there are VERY FEW people, who live near me, who know me, that understand what our life is all about. It is so lonely Laura. I have my husband, and as wonderful as he is, I need a girlfriend to HEAR me...to UNDERSTAND me...to laugh it off and sometimes cry with me. Unfortunately, that is why I feel so isolated much of the time. These kind of women are few and far between...in my neck of the woods anyway.

So many years and I was alone. Now I have found all of you and you are a blessing for sure. I'm sorry you feel alone. All I can say is, you are not alone in your aloneness. Every word of this post resonated so strongly it brought tears. (((HUGS))) We are here. We are not next door, but we love you and we understand.

Kelly said...

So cool how you fit us all in! The first entire year of D I was shut out to the world around me....you dont do it intentionally, it just seems to happen as we adjust to the new normal. Once your broken heart begins to heal you will be back out there enjoying all those friends again. :)

Wendy said...

LOVE. THIS. Seriously...is there a blog post award out there somewhere????? Cuz you got it, my friend.

Standing ovation from AZ :)

Ya know...reading it again, just reminds me...that all of us really do fit together quite nicely.

Love to all of you (((XXXXX)))

Can I second the standing ovation. I heart you. Really, really heart you. I love ya! You rock. It's a hard disease but you are wonderful! LOVES TO YOU!!

Beth said...

Awesome job in pulling all those together! :) If that's what you do on no, sleep, well then if you ever get a full night or two in, look out world! ;)

It's a very, very lonely feeling, being a d-mom without any support nearby. When my daughter was dx'd, I didn't know ANYONE who had a child with diabetes. My friends were wonderful, but they didn't *get it* in the way that other PoCWDs do. The best thing that ever happened was meeting up with other families through the hospital and JDRF support groups, which evolved into our WV group. I really, truly think I would have lost my mind entirely had I not met up with all the local d-peeps. disclaimer: I still may have partially lost my mind, but it's not nearly as bad as it would have been. :)

I think it's the same way for the kiddos - getting to hang with other kids who have to live with diabetes day in and day out has been SO helpful for my DD. It really should be a part of the whole treatment plan, I think; getting kids and families together to provide the emotional support that goes hand in hand with the medical/clinical support.

At the risk of sounding like High School Musical part 27 (you know, when they go to the retirement home), we're all in this together! :)

Jill said...

OK...I wasn't singing High School Musical in my head...it was "You are not alone....I am here with you....Though you're far away" (eeep! Michael Jackson!) Hahaha!

Seriously girlie, this post was awesome and you touched on what ALL of us D-Moms feel so very often and that whole isolation thing. I do have friends that try and understand but they don't fully "get it" and sometimes it's really hard to have to stop in the middle of having fun and test or treat a low. OK...I lied...it's more than just hard...it's VERY difficult! We try and roll with the flow and I know they all understand how frustrated I get but I try not to show those emotions in front of Kacey because I don't want her thinking it's her fault because it's NOT her fault. I've had several people ask me, "How do you do it? How do you still smile and stay so upbeat about it all?" Ummm....I keep those Mommy Meltdowns for private and try and keep my lid on as much as I can.

My dear friend, you're amazing! I can assure you that "I get it" and I know what you're feeling :) You've got my number ;) Text me! (((HUGS))) and Lots of love!

phonelady said...

Okay first off we Love you and your family and you are not alone . We are all battling this awful disease together . I think you are just having a mommy meltdown as Jill said . We all have those from time to time . Just know that you are not alone with this disease . We love you and you are so strong .

Penny said...

Oh Laura what a great post! Funny and touching and revealing. I want to say to you 'You are not alone', but I do know, exactly, how you feel. All of us know how you feel and all of us are sorry in our own ways that we/you are even here, in this place, with this Type 1. All of us never expected this when they handed us that baby huh?! But here we are and we might as well, to paraphrase another blogger 'make it suck less.'

Get out with those non-D girlfriends too Laura! They probably miss you. Get out and don't talk about diabetes one minute with them. It's a nice break. If they ask, tell them that you feel alone. They probably want to be there for you. A hug from them is good.

You gals who live in my computer are an awesome bunch! Full of insight, humor, snarkiness and making it better when I think it can't get better. You are the light side of the diabetes to me.

Lora said...

WOW! That's a TALENT!!
I know the feeling of being alone. I think its a little harder for you and the other ladies that have the younger ones. Though D is always on my mind... I trust his school nurse and I can take a small break from it while he is there. But still. Hanging out with my carefree friends and their kids is different now. Eventually you will be okay with the "different". It takes time, but TRY to get out with them. I am sure they love you as much as we do. AND now that you have the pod... it wont feel so obvious to you. GO.HAVE.LUNCH.
It will be refreshing :)

Nicole said...

This was great!! I loved this post, very creative :) How long did that take?? lol

You are amazing and I know that alone feeling too. I also feel like I'm talking to the wall a lot of times when trying to explain our D life. I'm sooo glad that I have all you bloggers in my life xoxoxo

Jessica said...

Okay, rockstar. Awesome post! Awesome in relation to your wit and amazing talent, not your isolation. Which I totally understand. Playdate soon?

Miss you guys!

Donna said...

Laura - Yes, Yes, YES! I know just how you feel! For the first year and 3 months after Jacob's dx I have never been lonlier in my entire life. My husband is wonderful and he and I are truly partners in this D life together, but he just isn't a GIRLfriend. I very quickly grew tired of having to try and explain D everytime I got together with the girls that I just quit getting together with the girls. And then I found all you wonderful lovely ladies and my life has drastically changed. My friends who live insite my computer, as you put it, and who just TOTALLY GET IT! What a blessing.
LOVE and ((((HUGS)))) to you my friend!
BTW - Seriously awesome post.... I agree with Wendy, we all do fit together quite well, don't we?

Shannon said...

You are not alone and I want to personally say thank you for giving the new girl a shout out!! THAT was wonderful thank you! I can tell you only 5 weeks in I am still trying to hang with pre D friends but it is hard. I have a few that are really understanding and want to learn if they need to watch him, but some I think still think he will out grow this or its not that big of a deal. When they find out we have to test at 12, 3 and 6 they are shocked... and want to know well how long will that last.. They say well if you change his diet it wont be so bad right.. That is why I use yall's blogs.. I send them to my friends daily saying here is a great one to understand why x... I COULD NOT Be breathing with out you all!! I live in VA so being in the south I hear Bless your heart a lot.. REALLY Bless my heart... THIS SUCKS!! I am in awe of you all and thank you so much for welcoming me in.
I love yall!!

April Ann said...

Oh Laura,

You said so beautifully how I am feeling. Alone. Scared. LOST. I have had a hard time my whole life reaching out, long before D. Now I find myself not speaking out even to other D moms because I just don't want to burden anyone more than what they are dealing with themselves. Thank you so much for having the courage to address this. We are so new to this that overwhelmed is the main theme in our life right now. I feel less alone in my "aloness" (is that even a word?!) after reading this. Thank you. Lots of Love,

alix said...

Yes, you poetically said it. I too have been totally abandoned by almost everyone we know, including relatives and so called very close friends. Out of everyone we know, besides my mom and brother, only 5 people contacted us.. We ran into 'friends' who would say really obliviot things like, it will end when he is 18, it is called juv. diabetes, why do you need to check him, he is 14 and needs to suck it up.. oh the pump will make you need to do nothing.. The lack of support was devastating. We now are beginning to have people stick their toes in the water, but usually retreat.
It has been my D-mom blog dear friends that were my major support.. Thanks everyone!!!love, hugs and kisses

:) Tracie said...

Very clever use of our blogs! I highly doubt I would've even thought of doing that!

I have a few girlfriends, but none who have diabetics. I'm super friendly with another mom at school who happens to be on the PFA with me and I've been aquainted with her since Jessi was in kindergarten, but she was the p.e. teacher. Whooda thought we'd 'talk shop' about our kids being diabetic after her sons diagnosis this past summer. Not too mention the teard appology she gave me for treating my daughter with disreguard once for sending her to the health office ALONE when she felt low.
But other than that, it's all you guys out here in cyberspace...or as it was said 'all my friends hanging out in my computer'!

I'm pretty sure all you ladies keep me out of the insane asylum! (at least on an extended weekend pass)

Wendy said...

I just love you and I love this post!!

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Just a Mom

I am NOT a doctor, nor do I play one on this blog.

I AM a wife.
I AM the mom of 3 wonderful children.
I AM my son's pancreas.

The information provided on this blog is from our personal experiences with Type 1 diabetes. Because something works for us does not mean it will work for you.

Please consult your doctor if you have any questions or concerns about your health care options.

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