Sunday, November 8, 2009

Neglect


Neglect

Last night it dawned on me that I have neglected several important things in my life since Nate’s diagnoses (9/17/09).  I am going to share them here in hopes that it motivates me to make some much-needed changes.  Here we go:

  1. Me.  I have completely neglected myself since Nate’s diagnosis.  Last night as I was soaking in the tub I realized that it had been a very long time since I had taken a nice, long hot soak.  Do not worry folks, I shower daily, I’m talking about a nice hot bath just to relax and unwind.  While there I realized that I probably had not shaved my legs in  . . .  well, it had been a while!  Nice.  I also realized that I have not worked out one time since Nate’s dx – not one time.  What?  So, that’s how these 10 pounds have crept up on me.  I run – I am a runner – I like to run – I have not run since 9/16/09.  So, that’s why my head is so foggy and my butt it getting so big.  Seriously.  Starting tomorrow, I will run again.  It’s time to start taking care of me again.  If I want to start feeling half way normal again I need to start taking care of me again.

   
  1. My Husband.  My husband, Jim is the love of my life, my rock, my anchor . . .  well, you get the idea.  I love him!  Since 9/17 my complete focus has been on our son, Nate.  Jim has told me that he will never question my love and devotion to our children but I am sure he is questioning my love and devotion to him at this point.  We seem to move past each other in the hall without saying much and I know it is because my full focus has been on Nate and his damn diabetes.  Jim and I do not see eye to eye on Nate’s care but we need to come together and work together to stay together.  I need to find a way to take care of Nate, my other 2 children and still make my husband feel as if he is still the most important person in my life.  I’m still working on this one.


  1. My Girls.  Emma (5) and Sophie (3) are two little rays of sunshine in my very cloudy world.  They have no way of knowing how exhausted I am, no way of knowing that I am still grieving for their brother’s health, and no way of understanding why mommy is so grumpy all of the time.  Starting today, I am changing for my girls.  I love them so much and have missed so much the past 7 weeks while being away from them while in the hospital and then being completely overwhelmed while at home.  Starting today no more grumpy mommy!


  1. My Friends.  I miss my friends but I am finding it very hard to be around them.  They have been SO great during the last 2 months or so since Nate’s dx.  We actually had dinner provided for 6-weeks after we came home from the hospital. What a life saver that was.  They have been amazing! What is hard however, is just being around my friends and their kids who get to eat whatever they want whenever they want.  No measuring, no weighing, no waiting, no shots, no finger pricks and no diabetes.  It sucks!  It sucks because I can’t just go grab lunch with my friends and their children anymore without it being a huge ordeal.  We have to eat at a certain time, I start freaking out if the food takes too long or if there is any delay at all.  Nate can’t just munch on chips and tortillas anymore like the other kids so he is screaming the entire time because he knows when we sit at a table it’s time to eat.  It’s just not fair!  He doesn’t understand why he can’t have all the yummy stuff that all of the other kids get to have.  Again, it’s just not fair and it’s just not that fun!  I miss my friends but they do not understand what it is like to have a child with T1 and that makes it hard for me and probably hard for them too. 


I think that the problem is that with any grieving there is that point where you have to get back into your normal life and that is so hard.  It is hard because so much has changed – it’s the acceptance of the change that makes me want to stay in one place and not move forward.  If I accept it then it is real and I’m not ready to deal with the reality of it all just yet.  I will work on the things that I can change and move forward little by little.  I will do it for me, my family and for my friends. 











12 comments:

Cheryl said...

Do it for yourself . . .and the other things will fall back into place . . .I am proud of you . . .

Amy said...

(((HUGS))) You are doing FANTASTIC! It is a huge adjustment and it just takes time. I spent many months grieving and just aching for what will never be for Jada. You will eventually get to a point where you will actually think about things other than diabetes- it will be "normal" and things will get back on track. But- it will take a while. Give yourself grace....lots of it!!!

On another note- some of us D-moms chatted on Windows Live tonight...we may set up a regular time and would LOVE to have you join us!

Meri said...

It is a hard time. For me it took years. Men and woman handle things so differently. Woman put the world on their shoulders...men do the best they can and move on. That's a big part of the problem...it's hard for a woman to move on when she is so stressed, overwhelmed, and grieving. There is a learning curve physically AND emotionally. One day at a time. Every day a bit better!

Wendy said...

Oh, Laura! I remember so vividly how hard the transition was. You WILL get through this period. It feels like there's never a light at the end of the tunnel, but then one day you wake up and things feel clearer...look clearer...brighter. I'll be honest, though. The ruts come again. You'll feel like you've got this game mastered and then, out of the blue, diabetes will remind you that the rules have changed.

You need to go for that run. You REALLY need that time to take in the fresh air and spend some time listening to your own heartbeat.

I find that when things get rough it helps to start naming my blessings out loud. Literally...I'll start naming everything from the fact that I don't live in a grass hut to the fact that we have access to insulin. It's kind of meditating for me. I'll just start spouting things off and then I'm reminded that it's going to be okay.

phonelady said...

Yes we have all been there and felt this way especially moms of d kids . I think it makes things harder . Just take care of yourself and the rest will come in time . I hope you feel better soon .

Lora said...

I remember having this conversation with myself... I remember telling myself that I need to shave… (actually, I need to go do that now!)
It’s not an easy conversation, but I think it shows how amazingly strong you are and that you are working towards the “new normal” in your life.

Right now, You and Nate need your attention. There will come a time when You and Nate will be right on track and one of your girls or your husband need it more. When that time comes… you will be there for them.

You are allowed to take time… time to greave, time to heal and time to learn. So that you can better focus on what’s ahead. I know you probably do not see it now, but it will get to be the “norm”. It’s just a different norm… your new norm.
I guess a good example would be adjusting to having your first baby. Remember? You pack EVERYTHING just to leave the house for an hour. Then after a while, it takes 5 min. to say… “I need this, this and this… okay let’s go!”

Your friends will be there regardless of how many lunches you miss. For right now… I am sure they could understand that maybe we shouldn’t order tortillas first.
However, you will also come to a point when it will be okay for Nate to have a few. You will get comfortable with adjusting insulin or how many carbs he eats for a meal.
Granted, your friends may not know what it’s like to have a child with T1… So educate them, they can understand and should always be courteous if nothing else. For those who aren’t- you will become a pro at adjusting accordingly. Don’t feel guilty or that it’s hard for them. I am sure they enjoy spending time with you. Often, we feel that someone is being inconvenienced more than they actually do.

Take care of yourself. Enjoy your run today. Once you feel better, everything else will come together for you.

Joanne said...

Wow, everybody else put it so well that there is nothing left to say. You are doing GREAT and the rest will come. Just remember not to be too hard on yourself.

Oh, that little guy of yours is too cute!! Our lives revolve around DIABETES, we eat it, we sleep (don't sleep), our every thought. It is a difficult situation.

When Mattie was diagnosed we didn't even let her go outside, or to a friends house, we didn't go anywhere either. It takes time so figure out your family's new schedule.

I can say that since Mattie's diagnosis, my family and my kids have come closer. They can look at her and know when something is wrong, and it is a comfort to me!

I am glad you blog about this, it really helps me to know that I am not the only one that is struggling too.

Your kids are adorable, and you will get your routing back when your ready! Good job MOM!!

Shamae said...

You are doing a great job!! You are struggling with many things right now but know that eventually you will find normalcy again. It won't be the normal you are used to because diabetes is forever going to be there...but you WILL find a new normal.

Things like going out to eat will get easier. Find the friends who support you and want to learn about Nate's diagnosis. I have a couple of those. They love Sydney. They are patient and while they don't understand first hand what we go through, they do try. Find comfort in your friends.

My husband and I had to learn to grow together again despite the diagnosis. It is a great feeling when you finally break through that barrier and feel like you can function together again.

HUGS! You are doing wonderful!

Kyle said...

You are amazing! Love you!
Ryan

Thank you all for the great comments. I love reading all of the D mom's blogs and all of the comments.

So inspirational!

Amy, I would love to join the next live chat. count me in. My email is lauraleigh73@verizon.net or houstonwehaveaproblem@verizon.net

Good night all - - -

PS - I didn't get to run today but I did almost complete my Christmas shopping. Retail therapy works wonders!

Hallie said...

Oh my - I'm so late reading this... and what I have to say, I just can't put it all into a commet. Can I email you? I relate so totally and completely...

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Just a Mom

I am NOT a doctor, nor do I play one on this blog.

I AM a wife.
I AM the mom of 3 wonderful children.
I AM my son's pancreas.

The information provided on this blog is from our personal experiences with Type 1 diabetes. Because something works for us does not mean it will work for you.

Please consult your doctor if you have any questions or concerns about your health care options.

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