The minute I saw him it hit me. I was a little sad and all the sudden tears were streaming down my face.
My mind wandered back to his diagnosis --- I knew why I was crying but it took me a few minutes to make the connection.
I remembered Penny's post about her Sweet Grace --- when she outgrew the sleep pants she was wearing when she was diagnosed with T1D (If you haven't read her dx story you should --- well if you want a good cry). I have no idea why that post stuck with me but I remember when I read it I knew exactly how Penny felt in all of the moments she described from dx day all the way to the point where Grace had outgrown the pants. Same - Same.
I know exactly what Nate was wearing at dx -- I still have those clothes tucked away in a safe spot.
Nate wasn't dx'd in these jammers but he wore them in the hospital --- I can see him so clearly in that metal crib with the IV tubes sticking out. I remember now how overwhelmed I felt. How much he cried. How much I cried. How scared I was. How sick he was. How desperately sad I felt looking at my sweet boy knowing our lives would never be the same.
Sometimes there are moments that still take my breath away.
They are few and far between but there are still moments of tears and desperation for our old life back.
I had put those jammers away once they were too small in a pile of things to save. How Jim and Nate came to find them I'll never know but it just took a little glance at how much my sweet boy had grown to see too how much I have grown since Nate's diagnosis.
Although there are still moments of sadness . . . they are just that . . . moments.
Keep calm and carry on . . .