Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Pajamas

Jim got Nate ready for bed the other night . . . when he came out of his room he looked like this -



Sweet boy.

The minute I saw him it hit me. I was a little sad and all the sudden tears were streaming down my face.

My mind wandered back to his diagnosis --- I knew why I was crying but it took me a few minutes to make the connection.

I remembered Penny's post about her Sweet Grace --- when she outgrew the sleep pants she was wearing when she was diagnosed with T1D (If you haven't read her dx story you should --- well if you want a good cry).  I have no idea why that post stuck with me but I remember when I read it I knew exactly how Penny felt in all of the moments she described from dx day all the way to the point where Grace had outgrown the pants.  Same - Same.

I know exactly what Nate was wearing at dx -- I still have those clothes tucked away in a safe spot. 

Nate wasn't dx'd in these jammers but he wore them in the hospital --- I can see him so clearly in that metal crib with the IV tubes sticking out.  I remember now how overwhelmed I felt.  How much he cried.  How much I cried. How scared I was.  How sick he was.  How desperately sad I felt looking at my sweet boy knowing our lives would never be the same.

Sometimes there are moments that still take my breath away.



They are few and far between but there are still moments of tears and desperation for our old life back.


I had put those jammers away once they were too small in a pile of things to save.  How Jim and Nate came to find them I'll never know but it just took a little glance at how much my sweet boy had grown to see too how much I have grown since Nate's diagnosis.

Although there are still moments of sadness . . . they are just that . . . moments.

Keep calm and carry on . . .

5 comments:

Alexis Nicole said...

I love your new sign off line. Awesome.

That face. I love him! But you know that.

I don't have Js clothes. I have other things. Papers, books, discharge forms. Sitting in my room.I look at them and think why? How? Sometimes I look at our pictures from what should have been an amazing vacation and I just cry.

Then it passes...

Sorry for the saga love you. :)

Shamae said...

Love it my friend. I've been sitting up all night with insomnia and reflecting on where we are with Syd's diabetes and, although it sounds odd, I've been fighting moving from a "newly dx" stage to a "veteran" stage of sorts. I don't want to move from that new dx spot...even though we did 2 yrs ago. I still try to fight it. It makes me feel like we have become complacent with where we are. Not that that is a bad thing but I don't want to lose the desire to fight because we have moved from fighting against the beast to just accepting this as Syd or Nate's life. I don't know if that made sense but that is what your post reminds me of. :) Hugs dnq sista! (PS, I finally got a blog post done of mine and Syd's experience in DC with the Children's Congress.)

Penny said...

Same same honey. There's like one life before and this life now. Look how much sweet Nate has grown. You are an amazing Mama my friend.

Amy said...

Some day we will all have to get together and bring our 'box' of diagnosis clothes and memoribilia (sp?) and have a good cry/laugh. Glasd he is growing, though! That is very, very good.

Love you, Laura!!!!

Becky V said...

On the lighter side: Why ARE dads so good at finding the outgrown clothes we have stashed away? :)