Thursday, February 17, 2011

Practicing what I Preach

As always thank you all for all of the supportive comments from last night's post.  It feels good to move on.  It's a lot like a break-up.  I loved our CDE very much but she didn't love us back so now it's time to let go.  Done.

Today we had our 1st appointment with our original Endo, Dr. T.  She was the one on-duty when Nate was diagnosed and so lucky her --- she gets Super Nate and his CrAzY mama!  We hadn't seen her since December of 2009 but she has followed our progress through my blog and through Joanne -- Elise is also a patient.  And . . . now that I think of it I believe it was Dr. T that originally brought Joanne and I together.  Wow - I should be forever in her debt just for that!!

I'm excited to say that the appintment went very well.  Hmmm . . . that is to say that other than the fact that

  • I spent all morning printing out our OmniPod and DexCom logs and forgot to take them to the appointment
  • Sophie has some tummy issues this AM so we were running a teeny tiny bit behind
  • No matter how many toys I provided Sophie and Nate fought over each and every one
  • Both kids thought it would be fun to climb up on to the furniture in the room and JUMP OFF!

Other than being totally stressed out of my mind the appointment went really well.  I love going to Children's Legacy Campus because it is 5 miles from my house.  It is much smaller than the Dallas facility with a much easier check-in process. The only draw back today was that this campus was not able to upload the OmniPod reports which the Dallas location can do.  If they had been able to do that -- me forgetting the reports would not have been such a catastrophe!  Hopefully, they will be able to do that by our next appointment because it is quite likely that I may forget the reports again - just depends on the day!

Nate was a total ROCK STAR today.  He did everything they asked him to do and did not shed 1 single tear.  He's seriously one brave little guy!

The worst part of the appointment was when Dr. T told me that Nate's a1c is currently 7.9.  I had a total WTF moment and nearly passed out.  He's been sick for 2-weeks so we've been running a wee bit high but I was totally not prepared for that number.  His PDM shows a 90-day average of 170 right now so I knew it would be higher but that 9 on the end really through me right over the edge!

Now, I know I have written a thousand times on other blogs about it just being a number, preaching about how you shouldn't let the number define you, saying it's not a report card . . . blah blah blah!

I LIED PEOPLE!!!!! 

It's not just a number ---- it's my son's life!! 
The number does define me ---- I feel like a crappy pancreas.
I feel like I just got an F on my report card!! 

UGH!  I feel like someone needs to come remove the dagger that is piercing my heart right now!!

Drama Queen - maybe!! But Oh My Goodness . . . I just wasn't expecting that number at all. 

Ok - I know you are all going to say all of the same stuff I've said to you in the past and I appreciate it.  I really do. :)

Reyna has a great post on Joe's A1c and her mixed emotions --- check out her post here!  I, like Reyna don't want to offend anyone by being so upset - I know it could be worse.  I'm hoping you all understand.  As a mom I put SO much into Nate's care that maybe I do look at this as my report card.  I was never a straight A student but I enjoyed basking in the glow of the A/B Honor Roll quite a bit!  There were the occasional progress reports sent home but that was my warning to step up my game.  Maybe a progress report would have been helpful in this situation.  :)


Ok - so to leave this post on a positive note I want to add that Dr. T was just so kind today that I had to share this last little story.  She reads my blog occasionally and she mentioned that she read my 'Help Me' post from last month.  She had a few kind words to say about the post and she brought me a book written by Nancy G. Brinker, Founder of Susan G. Koman for the Cure.  She thought the book, Promise Me (How a Sister's Love Launched the Global Movement to End Breast Cancer) would be a good read for me. I couldn't agree more. 

Thanks, Dr. T.

It's nice to be back.

Now let's work on that A1c.



19 comments:

Tracy (The Crazy Pancreas) said...

7.9 IS fantastic! Nate is so young and it is HARD at his age. You have to know that YOU did the best YOU could and that is what matters.

Now, please remind me of this when I take The Superhero in next month. Cuz I am really feeling like a crappy pancreas about now.

Glad your appt went well. Can't wait to hear what you think of that book.

Alexis of Justices Misbehaving Pancreas said...

I agree 7.9 at age 2 is outstanding!!!! Youre amazing dont ever doubt that!

Meri said...

Woman. A two year old with diabetes is not a four year old with diabetes. A two year old with diabetes is not a 7 year old with diabetes. A two year old with diabetes is not a 10 year old with diabetes! A two year old with an A1C of 7.9 has a mother who is a ROCK STAR!!!! I am NOT kidding!!! Two year olds are compeltely differnt animals when it comes to diabetes. Take it from someone who has had 2 two year olds with it...it is freakin hard!!!! Yeah...when he is 5...I give you permission to be a little sad that you didn't get a better number than that. But right now I have to tell you that with Nate growing and moving and eating and not eating and developing...his blood sugars have to be crazy hard to control. They were for my boys. Babies are growing at 4 times the rate of older children, (OK, I made up that statistic, but you get my point...little Nate is in the middle of a constant growth spurt!)

You rocked it. I promise. I will not lie to you. Listen to me woman!

And PS...thank you to the new/old endo. What a blessing it is to have someone who knows our history. Who thinks about us...and wants what is best for our children, always!

Cdejulius said...

I know you are doing your very best . . .and when you did occasionally bring home a less than perfect grade in school, we told you to work a little harder in that area . . .do your best, little pancreas . . .Laura, you cannot ask more of yourself than the very best and I see you doing that every day with all three children . . .next appointment is May . . .I will keep Sophie and you can concentrate totally on the job at hand with Nate . . .and those reports WILL be in your hand!!!!! Now go eat a burrito and relax a little . . .xxoo to the moon and back!!!

Joanne said...

I'm with the others Laura... 7.9 is a great job. How many times have you found Nate walking around with a spoon and a jar of peanut butter? Or a banana? How do you bolus for a mystery amount of food? You're a wonderful stand-in pancreas.

Awwww, love Dr. T! I'm so glad you're back. I think I want to look into going to the Legacy campus too. I hate the downtown one!

Wendy said...

Laura....it took me almost FOUR YEARS to get an A1c under 8. FOUR!!!! Our endo was VERY cautious about numbers less than 8 until she was 6 and the period of rapid brain development slowed down. I think that number is absolutely PERFECTO for Super Nate. VERY PROUD OF YOU!!! HI FIVE!

Reyna said...

Can I just say I LOVE your mommy! She is the BEST...the "xoxo to the moon and back!" LOVE IT.

Now,onto the A1C, I really appreciated Meri's comment. She is right - for a TWO year old you are a freakin' ROCK STAR PANCREAS MAMA Laura. That is some serious tweaking, bolusing, basal temping, SWAGING skills there girl. You are SIC - in a cool way. Is that even how you spell "cool sick"? Or did I mess it up?

(((HUGS)))

P.S. I am really impressed that Dr. T read the "Help Me" post and then came up with some "help" to "help". That is thoughtful.

Lorraine of "This is Caleb..." said...

See Meri's comment. Read it, beleive it. She would know.

Lora said...

Dr. T sounds sweet :)
I agree with everyone else... That A1C is great. Be proud mama :)

Shannon@ The New Normal Life said...

Laura- I know that the number is not where you wanted it. when we went to our last our A1C was back at the same as dx day... I came home and cried and never blogged about it. I was stunned. When I looked at his avg it wasnt that high and TRUST me I am working hard to bring it down, the same as I was doing before! I understand it stinks but you have to keep in mind that they dont want our little ones going too low because they are like a gas tank. They are good till the 1/2 way point then they go fast from 1/2 to empty. YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR and so is your doctor for reading your blog and caring!! BIG HUGS from VA

Nikki of Our Diabetic Warrior said...

You're doing a great job!!!!

Kelly said...

LAURA!!! 7.9 is AMAZING for the age of 2,3,4,5,6.....AMAZING!!! I know how you feel though :( I would feel the same way even though I preaching to you, lol. I know you are full of disappointment and expecting to see your hard work and diligence in that number....but remember he is two!!! ((HUGS))

Michelle said...

7.9 is FANTASTIC!!!! That said, I understand the feeling of disappointment when you hear the number and it's higher than you anticipated...happened to us today at our endo appointment. I actually heard the nurse telling our doc before he came into the room...my heart sank :( Sounds like you've got a great, supportive and understanding endo for Nate...I'm sure with her support and your Super-Pancreas skills you'll be happier next time...I'm hoping we will too!

Denise said...

Since everyone already said what I would about the AWESOME a1c....
I will just say that I can totally relate to the forgetting the logs you spent so much time printing out, kids fighting over the same toy, and especially the climbing and jumping off the furniture. It was like reading my own experiences at the endo with my kids.

Jen said...

I am late to the party but you know..I agree with all- 7.9 is so great for a kid Nates age..you do an amazing job Laura! I understand feeling upset though..I am the same...when Addison had an A1C of 8 just after getting the pump going I was devastated! We all work SO hard for our children's health and want the very best for them. Sometimes though, you just have to remember that you are doing your VERY BEST and it IS good enough!! XO

:) Tracie said...

What's a 7.9???? Haven't seen that kinda number since Jessi was about that age too!

Maybe we all should see the A1C test as more of a progress report instead of report card! I mean after all...we keep working on it....right?!

Amy said...

Oh how that shoe struggles to fit once you have thrown it across the room to put on someone else ;).

D IS personal, Laura. You shouldn't apologize for reacting to a number that supposedly reflects all the sleepless nights and hair pulling episodes with D over the past 3 months.

Look how many commentors you have had telling you what an awesome Mom you are. THESE are your true report cards, my dear ;)

Lora said...

At Willie's last appointment, his A1C was 8.0 and I almost gagged and cried at the same time. My stomach hurt! But when I asked my doctor what I could do to lower it, she said "Oh no, that is right where we want him at his age." It still took me a few days after that to believe her and be ok with it. Those numbers can be wicked emotionally!

It's ok to freak out a little - we are entitled to be more dramatic than the average mom. :) You will pull out of the funk and be fine. Don't fight it too much or be too hard on yourself for feeling that way - that will only prolong the misery. Embrace the "crazies" and then you will be able to move on!

Your children are so blessed to have you as their mommy! Give them all big hugs and revel in the pure delight of their sweet hugs!

The Anderson Chronicle said...

Just got caught up on reading my blogs. I'm so sorry things went that way with the former CDE. I love that you are honest about your A1C feelings. I haven't had too much experience with that yet but I'm sure I will call or text with my boo hoos when it happens.