Monday, November 30, 2009

New Day - New Post

My mom said that my last post made me sound desperately depressed so I must clarify . . .
I am not about to jump off of any cliffs anytime soon.  Who would take care of Nate if I did that?? 
Just Kidding!

As with anything there are good days and bad days.  There are always more good than bad because I have my beautiful son here with me along with his 2 wonderful sisters. Sometimes it is just hard.  Some days counting carbs all day long is overwhelming - it is what it is so I am adjusting.  I just use this blog to vent.  So, please know - I am the same fun, loving, happy mom that I have always been --- I just have a few bad days now and then.

And yes, Jim is out of town again so that always makes things a little bit harder.  I miss my husband and his help with the kids when he is gone.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Diabetes - I think you are here to stay!

You know when your kids get sick and you hate it for them but you also hate it for you too?  When I have to give Emma breathing treatments it's like I know this is helping her but OMG-I have so much to do right now I just don't have time for this. I always just think about the fact that we only have to do it for a few days and then she will be better and we can put away all the meds, the nebulizer, all of the tubing and the mask.  Done - out of sight and out of mind.

I keep waiting for this to all go away.  I'm tired.  Oh so tired of pricking Nate's tiny little fingers 10 times a day.  YES, 10 times a day.  Right now we are doing 3 shots a day but sometimes 4.  It makes me sick to my stomach when I have to give them to him.  I know I would HATE it if it were me getting the shots.  It's beating me down.  I am just waiting for it to go away.  It's exhausting to think that this is forever!  It's not going away.  Not. Ever. Going. Away.

Ok, so I've really been doing pretty well with all of this but today it just hit me.  I am exhausted.  I want my old life back.  I want diabetes to hit the road!  Adios!  Don't let the door hit ya . . . ok, you get the picture.  I'm so freaking tired of counting carbs I could scream & its only been a little over 2 months. No one understands what it requires and no one knows how exhausted I am.  NO ONE GETS IT!

Ok, I think I just fell asleep sitting here so I am going to take my sad, tired self to bed and get some rest.  Only 3 hours until Nate's next bg check.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Tag Your It - My Turn

1. Do you like bleu cheese?  NO WAY

2. Have you ever smoked?  I'll just say yes.  I was a little crazy in my younger years . . .

3. Do you own a gun?  I think so.  It's up in the closet somewhere completely useless if someone breaks in.

4. Favorite type of Food?  Mexican

5. Favorite type of music?  Almost anything.  Love XM radio - 70's, 80's, 90's, 20 on 20 and Holly

6. What do you think of hot dog?  I like mine with chili, cheese and onions.  Lora, please never tell me how they are made.  I don't even want to think about it!!!!

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?  Coffee

9. Can you do push ups?  Yep but it has been a while.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?  Wedding Ring

11. Favorite hobby? Taking Photos, Anything Crafty and Blogging

12. Do you have A. D. D.? Nope

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? 20/20 at last check

14. Middle name?  Leigh

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: 1) I'm too tired to be answering these questions. 2) What time should I do Nate's nighttime check? 3) Is anyone reading this?

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Water, Diet Coke and Coffee

17. Current worry? Really? Nate's bg levels and how I am going to survive another week w/o my husband

18. Current hate right now? Not really hating on anything right now - well, maybe my neighbor's barking dog that won't shut the H up!!!!

19. Favorite place to be? Home - especially right now while decorated for Christmas

20. How did you bring in the new year? Can't remember  - probably slept!  Come on - last NYE I had a 6-month old!

21. Someplace you’d like to go? Anywhere to meet my fellow D moms!!

22. Name three people who will complete this. YOU! That's right... if your reading this and you haven't been tagged... consider yourself TAGGED!!! (I left this answer in from Lora's post)

23. Do you own slippers? Yes. 3 pair - our floors are COLD.

24. What color shirt are you wearing? Black tank with white shirt over it.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Not sure - I like flannel during the winter. Cozy!!!

26. Can you whistle? Not very well.

27. Where are you now? My office

28. Would you be a pirate? Random question - - - going to have to say no on this one. Might get sea sick.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? No time to sing in the shower. No one wants to hear me sing - not even me!!

30. Favorite Girl’s Name? Emma Leigh & Sophia Elizabeth.  :-)

31. Favorite boy’s name? Nathan James (NATE)  Love my Tater Tot!!

32. What is in your pocket right now? No pockets in my sweat pants

33. Last thing that made you laugh? At dinner Nate had two 'Nilla wafer cookies and he put them up to his eyes like they were his eyeballs.  It was funny but maybe you had to be there.  :-)

34. What vehicle do you drive? A big one!!

35. Worst injury you've ever had?  I don't think I've ever really injured myself.  I've had a miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy which almost killed me - that sucked big time!

36. Do you love where you live?  Yes, I do.  I love my home and being with my family (especially when all the kids are sleeping).  HAHA!!

37. How many TVs do you have in your house?  6 - my husband has a problem! He had 1 installed in the bathroom!!  He would watch CNBC on all of them if I would let him.

38. How many computers do you have in your house?  3 normally but my husband took his laptop to DC today.

39. If you changed your job, what would it be? I have the best job right now - would not change.

40. If you were granted three wishes, what would they be?
1) A cure. 2) Some Good Sleep. 3) More wishes . . .

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thankful everyday . . .

There are so many things to be thankful for everyday but today I am thankful for my children and their beautiful artwork.  What would a mommy do without the awesome hand turkeys, pilgrims, and Indians that we receive every year.

Here are a few of ours from the past 5 years . . .

This isn't just a turkey.
As anyone can see.
I made it with my hand,
Which is a part of me.
It comes with lots of love,
Especially to say,
I hope you have a very,
Happy Thanksgiving Day!
(Love, Sophie)


Monday, November 23, 2009

Super Quick Post

Just a quick note to say thank you for all of the comments on my tantrum blog.  I feel so much more confident now -

PS - Nate has been having such great numbers for the last week but today he was high.  Took him to the ped and he was dx with double ear infection. That may have contributed to that major meltdown last night.

Hugs to everyone . . .

PSS - my husband came home tonight! All is right in our world again.  :-)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Diabetes or Temper Tantrum?

I thought for sure tonight that Nate has to be seriously low or even seriously high - - -
CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO

Turns out he was a perfect 141.  Seriously?  I think he is getting so spoiled because I blame everything on the D and let him get away with too much. I don't want to raise a brat but it is so hard to know what is going on at this age?!?!  I swear my girls are so well behaved - it was so easy to discipline them.  There were no underlying factors to blame the behavior on.  What's a mom to do with a baby going through this tough age with this stupid disease!!???

Help me, PLEASE!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Thankful Thursday!

1st for the laugh . . .


How Pumpkin Pies Are Made!!!


Now for my Thankful Thursday post . . .

I am thankful today for the wonderful surprise that I received in the mail.  Yesterday my husband called from DC (where he has been since Saturday) to tell me he would not be home until Thanksgiving.  Boo!  Since I was a little flustered from being here with the 3 little ones for several days on my own and getting the bad news from Jim I just threw the mail on the counter for later review.  So, this morning I noticed a little box in the mail stack (Oh, how I love little boxes!) so I tore into it and to my delight discovered a fabulous necklace from my fabulous new friend, Nicole.  It totally made my morning and for that I am thankful! 
My daughter, Emma took the picture with my phone.  Quite lovely - eh?



I am also thankful today for my wonderful mom, Cheryl Ann DeJulius.  Without her love and support I would not be the woman and mother I am today.  I believe that there is no way to know how much a mother loves until you become a mom yourself.  I have always known that my mom loves me without a doubt but once I became a mom I realized how much she sacrificed for me, loved me, protected me and endured from me. I see her now hurt for me as I am hurting for my son and I realize now that you NEVER stop being a mom. It is a gift you are given and you keep for the rest of your life. My mom is the wing beneath my wings, she is my hero, she is the mother that I hope to be to my own children.  Thank you, Mom for being my mom and for all that you do for me and my family.  I love you and am so thankful for you everyday!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sleepy, Sleepy Mommy

I am sure all D moms around the world have asked themselves this very question.  But, tonight as I sit here completely exhausted from lack of sleep I have to wonder - - - will I ever sleep again?  Having a wee one with Type 1 is very similar to having a newborn baby.  I don't get much sleep, I am completely overwhelmed and unsure of myself, I question everything that I do, it takes a large tote bag to carry everything that I may or may not need to leave the house, I am up at all hours of the night, I go in and check on Nate over and over throughout the night and sometimes just poke him to make sure he will respond - see all of the same things I did when he was a newborn.  The problem is this will never go away - ever!  Can I really survive on no sleep?  How can I possibly sleep through a night when there are so many things that could go wrong?  What if he goes too low over night?  What if he goes too high?  What if . . . What if . . . What if . . . ??

Today is the 2-month anniversary of Nate's Dx.  September 17th, 2009 - until that day we were just living this perfectly normal life and today it is so very different.  I feel like everyone is so tired of hearing about diabetes and me talking about it all of the time but it is my new world.  Everything that I do revolves around my son and his Type 1.  Everything!  I wake up, check his BGL, calculate how many carbs he will eat, then calculate how much insulin to give him, give him a shot, let him eat and then do it all again pretty much every 2 hours until 7:00 PM when he goes to bed when I can relax a bit until I check him again around 11:00 PM and again at 3:00 AM.  Really - this is my new reality and frankly it stinks!  So, I will continue to talk about it, live it, breathe it and eat it until there is a cure.  Every day Nate's life is in my hands - how scary is that?  Anyone that knows me well knows that that is pretty scary!  I'm the mom that goes to the grocery store without her wallet, backs into a car in the carpool line, and  always forgets to ask my kids if they need to pee before we leave the house (with 2 girls this is such an important step!).  I barely passed algebra in high school and now that I've figured out that I really do need it in the real world it's too late to go back and ask for tutoring!  I'm also the mom that has 3 fabulous children that I love so much I could just explode and the mom that would walk through fire for any one of them, I am the mom of a little boy with Type 1 diabetes and I will do this everyday for him because I love him to the moon and back.

These are just the ramblings of a super exhausted, overly emotional, slightly crazy D mom!  I just checked his BGL and am heading to bed.  Good night all . . .

Sunday, November 15, 2009

World Diabetes Day

There is not a lot to say about our World Diabetes Day day . . .
I had big plans for all of us to wear our shirts all day and run all over town, telling people all about Type 1. We were also supposed to meet up with Joanne, Fred and Elise have lunch and let all of the kids play in their awesome shirts.  Alas, it was not meant to be . . .


I got the Houston Five up and dressed in our shirts (except for Sophie) to head out to Sophie's blastball game.  So far, so good.  I noticed while we were at the game that Nate had these little red dots (they looked like ant bites) all over the left side of his body.  I had noticed 1 or 2 while dressing him for the day but at Sophie's game they were multiplying!!  So, change of plans!!  I called and made an appointment with Nate pediatrician and had to cancel our lunch plans with my new favorite friends!  Boo!




Well, Nate and I went to the ped's office and waited and waited and waited . . .we waited for well over an hour to see the on-call physician.  (See pics to the right for self-portraits taken while  we were waiting) 
She told us she had no idea what was going on.  She said they looked like ant bites - "yes, they do" I said "but they seem to be multiplying by the moment without an ant in site."  Hmmmm . . . well, maybe he has bed bugs.  WHAT?  REALLY?  GROSS!!  Nate does not have bed bugs and if he did I doubt that he put them in his pocket and took them with him to the game.  Seriously!  Ok, then maybe it's rash of some sort. YA THINK??  She was really no help whatsoever!

So, by the time we got out of there it was nap time and we were both exhausted.  We went home, took a nap, and then just hung out at the house.  That's it - that's how we spent our day.

The only exciting part of the day is that our PJs For A Cure jammies arrived and I got to wear my new blue circle jammies to bed.  Woo-Hoo!   This morning my husband and my dad both headed out of town (for work) for the week so the kids and I went over to spend some time with my mom in our jammies.  Here are the awesome pics of me in my new jammies which I LOVE!! 

Maybe next year all of the online D mommas can get together and paint the town BLUE.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

World Diabetes Day - Nate's Story

In honor of World Diabetes Day - Here is Nate's  Story -


On Monday the 14th of September I noticed that Nate was pretty thirsty all day.  He cried a little bit more than usual and would stand at the fridge and point until I would get him a drink.  I have to tell you, I thought he was pretty darn smart!  I mean really – he’s only 14-months old and he knows what he wants and where to get it!

That night he cried on and off during the night which was very unusual for him.  He seemed thirsty again so my husband gave him a sippy cup of water.  Nate stopped crying, drank the water and went back to sleep.  When he woke up again he was soaked!  I mean diaper soaked, jammies soaked, sheets soaked – everything soaked but still he was thirsty.  More water and more soaking, more water, more soaking . . . you get the idea. 

By Wednesday I was searching the internet for “excessive thirst in toddlers” – only 1 thing came up. Nope, that can’t be it. I put it in the back of my head and continued to monitor the situation.

On Thursday Nate went to his once a week children’s day out program which he was still not too fond of at that point.  He stayed all day which was surprising to me because I just had a feeling I would be called to pick him up since he was so upset when I dropped him off.  When I arrived to pick him up at 2:00 I noticed that they had changed his clothes and when I asked why they told me he seemed excessively thirsty and had soaked through his diaper.  It hit me like a ton of bricks at that moment and yet somehow I just could not believe that it could be.

I went ahead and called our pediatrician and made an appointment for that afternoon.  I rushed him over and listed off his symptoms to the nurse.  She was very comforting and said the doctor would be in shortly.  Our pediatrician, who is also a close family friend, was not in. We were seeing a new doctor in the practice, which made me a little nervous.  She listened to his symptoms as I once again rattled them off and she ASSURED me that it was not diabetes because he was just too young and there was no family history.  As you can imagine, I so desperately wanted to believe her!  Nate had a cough with some congestion so she thought they should check for strep and go from there. Okay, I think I knew in the back of my mind that it was totally not strep but oh how I wanted it to be!

 The strep test came back negative and she really wanted to send me on my way. She said Nate just had some virus that was making him thirsty because of the congestion. I knew – I knew the way only a mom can know that I could not leave that office.  I insisted that they check him for diabetes - - - if it is an easy test that we can do here in the office I would feel better just ruling it out is what I think I said but you would have thought that I had said it in Chinese!  Long story short, the nurse tested his blood glucose level, turned around, walked out without a word.  When the doctor came back in I remember I wanted to run away – I could see the look in her eyes – I wanted to grab Nate and run away from the reality that was about to come.  I should have run!  She told me that Nate did indeed have diabetes, they needed to run a urine test to check for ketones, and that we would be sent straight to Children’s Medical Center of Dallas to be admitted into the Endocrinology unit.  It all makes sense now but at the time I had no idea what a ketone was or what the heck endocrinology meant??!!

My cell phone was dead; I was alone with my son so I could not break down and cry.  I just stood there trying to wrap my brain around what they were telling me.  I borrowed the office phone to try and call my husband but I was so completely stunned that I could not even remember his phone number!  I just stood there silently screaming and crying on the inside! 

Once I left there the nightmare began . . .
We had to make arrangements for our girls to be taken care of while we were gone, pack bags, and make phone calls all while still spinning from being told that our son has diabetes.  He looked so perfect and healthy!


We arrived at CMC and checked into the ER at the beginning of the worst flu season EVER. It was packed! We got checked in and waited and waited and waited until a nurse came in that barely spoke English, I seriously could not understand one word he was saying so we asked for another nurse to come and assist.  So, together these 2 male nurses poked and prodded our son over and over again.  They checked his bgl, they took blood from his arm, and they tried to put in a catheter until my husband just about lost it and made them stop.  Nate was screaming and crying so terribly that I had to leave the room.  It took my husband and both nurses to hold him down to get the IV in his little arm.

From there we were sent up to the endocrinology floor where we were greeted by some very friendly faces.  The nurses there were so wonderful.  I finally broke down when the doctor came in and the nurses were right there for me.  The next few days were just a blur – so many doctors, nurses, educators, & dieticians giving us so much information.  Somehow we survived the hospital stay and learned how to take care of our son before they allowed us to leave 3 days later.  I believe they called it “survival mode”. I believe that is where we are still.  Each day it becomes more of a routine and each day I can see that I am starting to “get it” a little bit more. 

And yes, I have figured out what a ketone is and what endocrinology is and I can even spell it right (almost) every time.  I have also figured out that while this disease is cruel, it is not prejudiced. . . Nate is not the only tiny tot to join in the fight for a cure . . . it strikes children younger than 14 months and it strikes young adults and all ages in between.  It strikes all classes and all races and the numbers are increasing every day.


My cause is Type 1 Diabetes.  Nate’s cause is Type 1 Diabetes . . . we will fight the disease and will hope for a cure in his lifetime.  As I have repeatedly said, we will not let diabetes define him.  Diabetes will be life altering but not life defining for him. Nate is a normal, beautiful little boy who has diabetes. . .    








Here are a few things that I would like people to know about Type 1 Diabetes.  I am by no means an expert but I am learning more and more about the disease each day.  I have also learned that people in our community need to be educated about TYPE 1 DIABETES - 



Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system attacks a child's pancreas islet cells that produce insulin. Without insulin, the body cannot use food for fuel. The person will die without insulin, there is no cure, and it is forever. 40 kids will be diagnosed today. 

 

  • Taking insulin does not cure diabetes.  Insulin keeps people with type 1 diabetes alive, but does not cure the disease. While progress toward finding a cure has been substantial, there is still no cure for diabetes.

  • Type 1 is not caused by obesity or eating too much sugar. While obesity has been identified as one of the “triggers” for type 2 diabetes, it has no relation to the cause of type 1 diabetes. Scientists do not yet know exactly what causes type 1diabetes, but they believe that both genetic and environmental factors are involved. Eating too much sugar is not a factor.

  • Type 1 is not contagious.

  • You can eat sugar and carbohydrates when you have Type 1
    But, like for every other person in the world, balance and moderation are key. We all need carbs for energy and sweet treats sure are nice! T1 diabetics are not doomed to a life in artificial sweetener purgatory; they just need to keep the refined sugars to a minimum.

  • Math is your friend!! Math is not my forte but my son's well being depends on it. When you have type 1, you are always calculating - carbs, correction factors, insulin to carb ratios. Being a T1 or a parent of one requires making friends with your calculator and your left brain.

  • Not being alert is not an option -
    When you wake up in the morning all bleary eyed because you have a toddler who likes to go to bed late and get up early, you might put the coffee water on to boil first but then its time to get the insulin out of the fridge. You need to warm it up, rub the sleep out of your eyes, and make sure you can see clearly because you better get those morning doses of insulin correct. Staring at a syringe with tiny numbers and lines on it before coffee is always a challenge.

  • Getting out of the house takes a little more effort.
    You can't just throw on your coat and head out the door anymore. Don't forget your insulin, syringes, snacks, swabs, test strips, glucagon, and juice/glucose tabs/cake gel. Better make sure you have some free food snacks and some with carbs while you are at it.
 

  • With strict adherence to a specific diet and exercise plan, and multiple insulin injections each day based on careful monitoring of blood sugar levels, a person with type 1diabetes can gain some control over his or her blood sugar levels. While the above strategy is the most effective way to achieve and maintain tight control of blood sugar levels, optimal blood sugar control can be very difficult for some patients. Many factors, including stress, hormone changes, periods of growth, and illness can easily cause blood sugar to swing out of control. Teenagers in particular might be susceptible to this problem, as their bodies go through many changes during adolescence. Also, some people with type 1 diabetes find that even though they strive for tight control and follow their meal plan and insulin schedule, they still experience rapid fluctuations in their blood glucose. Those fluctuations do not mean the person with diabetes has done anything wrong. (See jdrf.org)

  • Diabetes kills more people than breast cancer and AIDS combined in the United States. So, if you know someone who fights this battle, encourage them. They are in a fight for their health and life.





Thursday, November 12, 2009

Oh - Happy Day!

Today Nate and I went to Grapevine to meet our blog friends, Joanne and Elise.  Nate and Elise had a great time playing at the rec center and Jo and I had a great time just sitting and getting to chat.  I cannot express how wonderful it was to get to hang out with a fellow D mom who knows and understands exactly what I am going through.

We went to lunch at Chick-fil-a and Jo showed me how she manages Elise's diabetes in an over-the-top, control-freaky, anal-retentive way.  Just kidding!  She was great!  She showed me how to weigh Nate's food and figure out the carb factor which is actually quite useful at this age.  While Jo and I will probably will end up doing things a little different from one another we promised not to judge each other and always help and support one another.  I think this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship for both me and for Nate.  He seemed pretty crazy about Elise!!  :-)

Here are some pics that Jo snapped today at the rec center . . . 


This is actually a hug not a strangulation



Nate was fascinated by Elise's hair



I love this one - holding hands already!



Adorable!

I also have to give a shout out to Jo's awesome husband, Fred.  He met us for lunch and is just as amazing as Jo and Elise.  Nate was crazy about him too!!

Thank you Joanne, Fred and Elise for an amazingly happy day!!











Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Snack Trap

Ok - Seriously!  The snack trap that I once loved and cherished is now something that I look at with sadness and despair.  You know what I'm talking about - - - those little bowls with handles and the little lid that the kids can get their hand through but MOST of the snack stays inside the bowl instead of all over the floor of your car.  Ok - you know what I mean.  Anyway, I loved those things before Nate's dx.  Both of my girls used them all of the time while we were out and about.  What better way to pacify a toddler than by feeding them a bowl full of CARBS!

I never really thought about how many carbs I gave my kids because I never had to think about it.

  • Driving around all day running errands - throw some cheerios in the snack trap and we are good to go.  

  • Shopping - you betcha just add some goldfish into the snack trap and you've got at least an hour to shop.  

  • Lunch with your friends - that probably requires goldfish and cheerios plus the can of Puffs.  
That's what I do to pacify my kids while I get things done.  Now what?  Ham and Cheese in the snack trap for some free snack food - I don't think so!!  

Having a toddler with Type 1 is hard for so many reasons & the snack trap is one of them!  I am having snack trap withdrawals. 

Ok, I got that off of my chest and feel better.

Moving on . . .

Does anyone have any ideas on how to entertain a 16-month old while cooking dinner?  I used to put him in his high chair with (yep, you guessed it) a handful or 2 of Cheerios.  Now what? 
He throws his toys down or across the room and then wants me to pick them up and give them back to him (repeat this 100X and you get the idea).

Ideas welcome . . .

Monday, November 9, 2009

D Blog Day

A friend sent me this card to cheer me up -
It made me laugh so I thought I would share the laughter . . .





And this is always one of my personal favorites . . .




And let's not forget the reason I am here . . .






Have a great D Blog Day!!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Neglect


Neglect

Last night it dawned on me that I have neglected several important things in my life since Nate’s diagnoses (9/17/09).  I am going to share them here in hopes that it motivates me to make some much-needed changes.  Here we go:

  1. Me.  I have completely neglected myself since Nate’s diagnosis.  Last night as I was soaking in the tub I realized that it had been a very long time since I had taken a nice, long hot soak.  Do not worry folks, I shower daily, I’m talking about a nice hot bath just to relax and unwind.  While there I realized that I probably had not shaved my legs in  . . .  well, it had been a while!  Nice.  I also realized that I have not worked out one time since Nate’s dx – not one time.  What?  So, that’s how these 10 pounds have crept up on me.  I run – I am a runner – I like to run – I have not run since 9/16/09.  So, that’s why my head is so foggy and my butt it getting so big.  Seriously.  Starting tomorrow, I will run again.  It’s time to start taking care of me again.  If I want to start feeling half way normal again I need to start taking care of me again.

   
  1. My Husband.  My husband, Jim is the love of my life, my rock, my anchor . . .  well, you get the idea.  I love him!  Since 9/17 my complete focus has been on our son, Nate.  Jim has told me that he will never question my love and devotion to our children but I am sure he is questioning my love and devotion to him at this point.  We seem to move past each other in the hall without saying much and I know it is because my full focus has been on Nate and his damn diabetes.  Jim and I do not see eye to eye on Nate’s care but we need to come together and work together to stay together.  I need to find a way to take care of Nate, my other 2 children and still make my husband feel as if he is still the most important person in my life.  I’m still working on this one.


  1. My Girls.  Emma (5) and Sophie (3) are two little rays of sunshine in my very cloudy world.  They have no way of knowing how exhausted I am, no way of knowing that I am still grieving for their brother’s health, and no way of understanding why mommy is so grumpy all of the time.  Starting today, I am changing for my girls.  I love them so much and have missed so much the past 7 weeks while being away from them while in the hospital and then being completely overwhelmed while at home.  Starting today no more grumpy mommy!


  1. My Friends.  I miss my friends but I am finding it very hard to be around them.  They have been SO great during the last 2 months or so since Nate’s dx.  We actually had dinner provided for 6-weeks after we came home from the hospital. What a life saver that was.  They have been amazing! What is hard however, is just being around my friends and their kids who get to eat whatever they want whenever they want.  No measuring, no weighing, no waiting, no shots, no finger pricks and no diabetes.  It sucks!  It sucks because I can’t just go grab lunch with my friends and their children anymore without it being a huge ordeal.  We have to eat at a certain time, I start freaking out if the food takes too long or if there is any delay at all.  Nate can’t just munch on chips and tortillas anymore like the other kids so he is screaming the entire time because he knows when we sit at a table it’s time to eat.  It’s just not fair!  He doesn’t understand why he can’t have all the yummy stuff that all of the other kids get to have.  Again, it’s just not fair and it’s just not that fun!  I miss my friends but they do not understand what it is like to have a child with T1 and that makes it hard for me and probably hard for them too. 


I think that the problem is that with any grieving there is that point where you have to get back into your normal life and that is so hard.  It is hard because so much has changed – it’s the acceptance of the change that makes me want to stay in one place and not move forward.  If I accept it then it is real and I’m not ready to deal with the reality of it all just yet.  I will work on the things that I can change and move forward little by little.  I will do it for me, my family and for my friends. 











Friday, November 6, 2009

One Flaw In Women

One Flaw In Women   

Women have strengths that amaze men... 

They bear hardships and they carry burdens, 
 
but they hold happiness, love and joy. 

They smile when they want to scream. 

They sing when they want to cry. 

They cry when they are happy 

and laugh when they are nervous. 

They fight for what they believe in... 

They stand up to injustice. 

They don't take "no" for an answer 

when they believe there is a better solution. 

They go without so their family can have. 

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. 

They love unconditionally. 

They cry when their children excel 

and cheer when their friends get awards. 

They are happy when they hear about 

a birth or a wedding. 

Their hearts break when a friend dies. 

They grieve at the loss of a family member, 

yet they are strong when they 

think there is no strength left. 

They know that a hug and a kiss 

can heal a broken heart. 

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. 

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you 

to show how much they care about you. 

The heart of a woman is what 

makes the world keep turning. 

They bring joy, hope and love. 

They have compassion and ideas. 

They give moral support to their 

family and friends. 

Women have vital things to say 

and everything to give. 

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, 

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.



Please pass this along to all your women friends and relatives to remind them just how amazing they are. 

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Sad News

Today Wendy's friend Holli passed away from H1N1.  I am sending out prayers and condolences to Holli's friends and family.  She is gone way to soon.

I emailed Wendy and asked if it would be ok if we all sent Holli's family cards.  Wendy and I thought it would be nice for them to know how Holli's story has touched so many people all over the world.

I know Wendy is overwhelmed today so let's all keep her in our prayers.  She will post the address on her blog when she has a chance.  Let's all post this information so that Holli's family knows how many people across the world are thinking about them and lifting them up in prayer.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

www.pjsforthecure.org

My dad's company (Knothe) works with the KOMAR company which is trying to raise $1,000,000 for the JDRF.  Please go to www.pjsforthecure.org or click here for more information and please spread the word so that they can reach the $1MM goal!!

I have to say that I would not normally spend $25 for jammies for my kiddos - hello Target!!  But, since 100% of the proceeds are going to the JDRF I am going to splurge for some new jammies for me and the kiddos!!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Thank You!

Thank you all for your comments - I took each one to heart.  After finally making the decision to get Nate and the girls vaccinated; Nate came down the croup this afternoon.  He woke up from his nap all croupy with labored breathing so we went for our appointment (I had moved up the shot appointment so I wouldn't chicken out) and he was officially diagnosed with croup.  Emma and Sophie both got the mist and they rescheduled Nate for Friday at 9:00 AM.

Again, thank you for all of your comments and words of support.

Now, we will see how I survive the night with a croupy, diabetic, grumpy baby boy!

Monday, November 2, 2009

H1N1 – to vaccinate or not to vaccinate?




Ok, I am a vaccinator and I have never had any concerns over the link between vaccinating and Autism.  I mean, don’t get me wrong it’s always there in the back of my head but I don’t know that I really believe that there is a link. 

But, what if there is?

The H1N1 shots that our pediatrician received are the ones that contain Thimerosal.  We are set up to be vaccinated on Wednesday at 1:00 PM but I cannot get rid of this nauseating feeling in my stomach.  It’s the lingering thought that there could be the smallest chance that there could be a link and that Nate could later be diagnosed with Autism.  Oh my – I think that might kill me!  I love my little man so much, I love his Dennis the Menace smile, his adorable little giggle, the way he yells MAMA when he wants me and how he blows everyone (and their dog) kisses.  Oh – if I lost any part of his sweet personality it would do me in for sure!

I’ve read plenty that tells me that it is totally safe.  Here are a few links that I have mulled over while I am trying to make my decision.






I spoke with my pediatrician who is also a dear friend and she said "without a doubt get the H1N1 for Nate and the rest of the family".

Any ideas, words of wisdom or suggestions for this new D mom?


I mean really - look at this sweet little boy!
SO SWEET!