Today is Nate's 2-year anniversary pumping with OmniPod. I love the fact that Nate started pumping on National Day of Hope!! That is no coincidence, my friends!
After Nate's diagnosis I was in a sad, dark, and confusing place. I felt hopeless. There's no sugar coating it at all here on HWHAP --- I hated diabetes. I hated that Nate had diabetes. I hated that my life was turned upside down. I pretty much hated everything. I was sad and angry. I was HOPELESS.
I'm not going to tell you that the day Nate started pumping everything became ok but it sure as hell helped! I hated life on MDI (Multiple Daily Injections) and OmniPod did give us our freedom back. It has taken 2 years of podding and 2.5 years living with diabetes to say this but there is HOPE back in my life.
Diabetes is something that we live with daily --- it's always there and until there is a cure it will never go away. It's there on Christmas, birthdays, Easter and on vacations. It rears its ugly head at the most inopportune times but it is just part of our life now.
I no longer hate diabetes, I no longer cry at the drop of a hat and I want you to know that although it is different for everyone . . . for me it's taken all this time to be ok. For some people it takes much less time and for others it takes much more time. But today I can proudly say that I am ok. I still want a cure and I still HOPE for one in my lifetime but I don't sit around thinking about it all day ---- we are far too busy living our crazy life.
In July of 2010 I wrote the post --- Why I Still Cry which continues to be one of my most read posts on this blog. I was sad. Read it --- you'll see. I just read it and although this post is about how I don't cry anymore going back to that day in my mind made me tear up. It's ok to cry and it's ok to be sad but believe me at some point it gets better. It doesn't really get easier ---- you get better and things do seem easier.
I still check Nate's blood sugar 10-15 times per day.
I still infuse insulin in his body to keep him alive.
I still don't sleep at night.
I still count carbs and weigh food.
The difference is now I make time for me. I ask for help. I let people know when I need a break.
I allow myself to cry if I need to but then I pick up and move on. It feels good not be be sad and angry anymore.
So, in closing I hope that today on this day of HOPE that by reading through my journey you know that even on the darkest diabetes day there really is light at the end of the tunnel. I can't tell you when you will reach it but I can assure you, sweet friends that it is there. Just because I am no longer in that dark place does not in any way mean that I don't remember those days. I do --- I always will.
I am here for those that are there now, on their way out and finally finding reasons to have HOPE again. XOXO
is it awful that hope isn't floating around here right now? I am not sure how to recapture that feeling, but well, that is just our current position. I am, however, truly grateful for your unfiltered hope - your honest pictures and beautiful son. I am thankful for how you never sugar coat it, yet are now here filled with hope. Thank you so much for this post.
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Just a Mom
I AM a wife.
I AM the mom of 3 wonderful children.
I AM my son's pancreas.
The information provided on this blog is from our personal experiences with Type 1 diabetes. Because something works for us does not mean it will work for you.
Please consult your doctor if you have any questions or concerns about your health care options.
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