Monday, October 17, 2011

LOW, LOW and even LOWER

Today's post was supposed to be about me losing weight ---

I was in the middle of mile 3 on the elliptical machine when Nate's school nurse called.  Nate is 27.  What the what? He's never been 27.  EVER.  I played the morning back in my mind.  How did we get here?  I bolused for breakfast at 6:30.  He ate at 7:00.  Jim loaded up the children at 7:30 to take all 3 to school.  He's never taken Nate to school.  I knew something would go wrong.  I'm sorry but he's just not me.

I know he didn't drink his Danimal --- I just know it.

I spoke semi-calmly to the nurse.  She was calm and reassuring.  She told me he was fine.  They wouldn't have even checked him if Dexcom had not alarmed.  He was acting perfectly fine.  After 15g he was 30.  She was giving him 15 more and going to call me back. 15 minutes later 103.

Remember how I just posted about how I am doing fine with diabetes but there are still some days that are hard.  Today is hard.  I am finding it hard to breathe.  I cannot stop crying.  I want this to go away.  My thoughts are taking me somewhere I don't want to go.  What if his Dexcom hadn't alarmed?  What is he had had a seizure? What if this low . . .

I can't type what I'm thinking because typing it somehow in my mind could make it a real possibility.

We've been having so many lows.  We've been having straight lines on Nate's Dex despite the fact that one day last week he ate a Pop-Tart for breakfast and for lunch.  Yea -- don't ask.

My thoughts are going in a million different directions right now.  It doesn't matter what I do we are still having lows.

Here's the deal.

I wasn't going to go here yet because I'm not sure I'm ready for this reality and it's still early to know for sure.

Nate is exhibiting all the classic signs that Sophie had before she was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis.

Am I freaking out?  Yes and No.  Some days I am good at just putting it out of my mind and then there are days like today when it feels as if everything is crashing down upon me.  I am starting to wonder what the hell I did in my past life to deserve all of this crap in this life but I can't stay there long.  Nate is having blood and mucous in his stools, diarrhea and going as much as 14 times per day.

My 1st thought was how in the hell am I going to manage the steroids with Nate's diabetes but now as I am still trying to figure this all out it is the opposite problem.  Lows.  Just like Sophie Nate's little body is unable to absorb all of the nutrients from the food he is eating so that is why I think we are having all of these lows.  It's like having a tummy bug all of the time.

We have started the stool study and we have our 1st appointment with Sophie's GI next Monday. I made the appointment about 3 weeks ago and was hoping and praying that is was just a tummy bug and that I would be able to cancel it but as things seem to go in my life right now --- that is not the case.




26 comments:

Kelly said...

Oh Laura......I'm so devastated for you, but praying hard......(big hugs)

AjsMommy82 said...

Oh no!!! Totally not prepared for that last bit of information!! Praying for you guys!!!

Kristina said...

oh Laura... so much to carry on your shoulders. I will be sending tons of prayers your way. You are one strong lady! Your kiddos are so blessed to have you as their mom. My mom was my biggest supporter when I was diagnosed and I will forever be grateful. Your little ones will be fine because of your love so remember that when things get tough!!!

Roselady said...

Laura,
I can only imagine how distracted you are with all of this going on in your head. It's so hard to be a mom when you're so worried and preoccupied. I'll pray for you. Hope this doesn't turn out like you think it might.

Heidi / D-Tales said...

Oh, my gosh, Laura!!!! Hugs and prayers headed your way!

Nicole said...

I don't even know what to say...

Ugh, I'm so sorry my friend!!

and I already commented on the 27...WTH!!

Love ya!!

Jessica said...

I'm speechless. I'm hoping as hard as I can that this isn't what it seems. Has he been tested for celiac? I'm here, whatever you need. Anything.

Becky V said...

Oh Laura - I'm so very sorry. I am praying, because it is all I can do, but the most effective thing I can do. Praying for healing for both your sweet kiddos and for strength, grace and peace for you and Jim.

Penny said...

Oh Laura, I am thinking about you and holding you in my prayers and thoughts. I am glad you are going through with testing for Nate. I repeat this for you my friend, 'it will all be we'll whatev it turns out to be, it will all be well. We will hold you up, you can do this. When things get down, you think of me, if I can do this and slug through every day, so can you. You can. You can. You are strong. Love you my friend.

Alexis Nicole said...

I love you beyond words and wish that our kids didn't have to go through all they do.

God knew what he was giving us, I believe that. I don't know the reason yet but there is one.

You are NOT alone. Ever. Sending massive hugs, prayers and love to you and Natey Poo.

Anna said...

I am so, so sorry you are going through this with Nate. I'll be thinking about you.

Joanne said...

I am so sorry Laura... I am praying so hard that it's not what you think it is, but merely a blip of weirdness that will go away. Even if it's not, I know you can do this. You are one of the strongest women I have ever met, and I am in awe of your awesomeness.

Please let me know if you need anything.

Tracy1918 said...

I love you and I'm praying...

Jackie said...

Hi,

I have a question for you regarding your blog. Please contact me when you get a chance.

Thanks!

Jackie

sfincham said...

I will be thinking of you and Nate (and always Sophie)
XXXXXXXOOOOOOOO
Sending LOTS AND LOTS of Hope your way.

Shannon@ The New Normal Life said...

i am sending you love and prayers my dear friend. I am sorry you are fighting lows on top of everything else. PLEASE know we are here and love you!

Misty said...

I was already in tears about the 27...I should've stopped reading there! Sweet Laura, I can't tell you how much I wish I could hug you right now. Know how much you are loved and that I will continue praying for you and your family. Love you!

Stephanie said...

Aw, Laura. I am PRAYING that Nate is not headed down the same path as sweet Sophie. Sending much love and hugs your way!

Jules said...

Oh my gosh. The lows are bad enuf. I'm so sorry I pray its not what you fear.

Jules said...

Oh my gosh. The lows are bad enuf. I'm so sorry I pray its not what you fear.

Nikki of Our Diabetic Warrior said...

Hi Laura,
I'm so sorry to hear about Nate. Praise God that He kept him safe!

Have you had him tested for celiac? It is very common to experience low blood sugar and diarrhea with it.

Alex's Mommy said...

Oh, Laura I'm so sorry to read this post. Whatever life throws your way, I know you can handle it one day at a time. Don't lose hope. Hoping that tomorrow will be better for you. You're in my thoughts.

NikDuck said...

Oh Laura, How sucky that he was so low and at school. Yep, no one can take care of our kiddos as well as their Mommas. I am praying that all will be well with Nate and not the same diagnosis as Sophie. I know this is so much for you to go through. Thinking of you and sending you lots of love.

Wendy said...

HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS...MORE HUGS...

That 27 almost made me throw up. Thank goodness I'm reading this after the fact!!!!!!

Praying, my friend.

For everything.

Jen said...

Laura..I am thinking of you sister. Sounds like a hell of a lot of craptasticness lately..too much for such an amazing woman and her family. I hope things with Nate don't end up being what you expect but if they are..no one is better able able to stand strong in the face of it than you are. Much love to you Laura...

Reyna said...

Love you Laura.