Today's post was supposed to be about me losing weight ---
I was in the middle of mile 3 on the elliptical machine when Nate's school nurse called. Nate is 27. What the what? He's never been 27. EVER. I played the morning back in my mind. How did we get here? I bolused for breakfast at 6:30. He ate at 7:00. Jim loaded up the children at 7:30 to take all 3 to school. He's never taken Nate to school. I knew something would go wrong. I'm sorry but he's just not me.
I know he didn't drink his Danimal --- I just know it.
I spoke semi-calmly to the nurse. She was calm and reassuring. She told me he was fine. They wouldn't have even checked him if Dexcom had not alarmed. He was acting perfectly fine. After 15g he was 30. She was giving him 15 more and going to call me back. 15 minutes later 103.
Remember how I just posted about how I am doing fine with diabetes but there are still some days that are hard. Today is hard. I am finding it hard to breathe. I cannot stop crying. I want this to go away. My thoughts are taking me somewhere I don't want to go. What if his Dexcom hadn't alarmed? What is he had had a seizure? What if this low . . .
I can't type what I'm thinking because typing it somehow in my mind could make it a real possibility.
We've been having so many lows. We've been having straight lines on Nate's Dex despite the fact that one day last week he ate a Pop-Tart for breakfast and for lunch. Yea -- don't ask.
My thoughts are going in a million different directions right now. It doesn't matter what I do we are still having lows.
Here's the deal.
I wasn't going to go here yet because I'm not sure I'm ready for this reality and it's still early to know for sure.
Nate is exhibiting all the classic signs that Sophie had before she was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis.
Am I freaking out? Yes and No. Some days I am good at just putting it out of my mind and then there are days like today when it feels as if everything is crashing down upon me. I am starting to wonder what the hell I did in my past life to deserve all of this crap in this life but I can't stay there long. Nate is having blood and mucous in his stools, diarrhea and going as much as 14 times per day.
My 1st thought was how in the hell am I going to manage the steroids with Nate's diabetes but now as I am still trying to figure this all out it is the opposite problem. Lows. Just like Sophie Nate's little body is unable to absorb all of the nutrients from the food he is eating so that is why I think we are having all of these lows. It's like having a tummy bug all of the time.
We have started the stool study and we have our 1st appointment with Sophie's GI next Monday. I made the appointment about 3 weeks ago and was hoping and praying that is was just a tummy bug and that I would be able to cancel it but as things seem to go in my life right now --- that is not the case.