I was in the middle of mile 3 on the elliptical machine when Nate's school nurse called. Nate is 27. What the what? He's never been 27. EVER. I played the morning back in my mind. How did we get here? I bolused for breakfast at 6:30. He ate at 7:00. Jim loaded up the children at 7:30 to take all 3 to school. He's never taken Nate to school. I knew something would go wrong. I'm sorry but he's just not me.
I know he didn't drink his Danimal --- I just know it.
I spoke semi-calmly to the nurse. She was calm and reassuring. She told me he was fine. They wouldn't have even checked him if Dexcom had not alarmed. He was acting perfectly fine. After 15g he was 30. She was giving him 15 more and going to call me back. 15 minutes later 103.
Remember how I just posted about how I am doing fine with diabetes but there are still some days that are hard. Today is hard. I am finding it hard to breathe. I cannot stop crying. I want this to go away. My thoughts are taking me somewhere I don't want to go. What if his Dexcom hadn't alarmed? What is he had had a seizure? What if this low . . .
I can't type what I'm thinking because typing it somehow in my mind could make it a real possibility.
We've been having so many lows. We've been having straight lines on Nate's Dex despite the fact that one day last week he ate a Pop-Tart for breakfast and for lunch. Yea -- don't ask.
My thoughts are going in a million different directions right now. It doesn't matter what I do we are still having lows.
Here's the deal.
I wasn't going to go here yet because I'm not sure I'm ready for this reality and it's still early to know for sure.
Nate is exhibiting all the classic signs that Sophie had before she was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis.
Am I freaking out? Yes and No. Some days I am good at just putting it out of my mind and then there are days like today when it feels as if everything is crashing down upon me. I am starting to wonder what the hell I did in my past life to deserve all of this crap in this life but I can't stay there long. Nate is having blood and mucous in his stools, diarrhea and going as much as 14 times per day.
My 1st thought was how in the hell am I going to manage the steroids with Nate's diabetes but now as I am still trying to figure this all out it is the opposite problem. Lows. Just like Sophie Nate's little body is unable to absorb all of the nutrients from the food he is eating so that is why I think we are having all of these lows. It's like having a tummy bug all of the time.
We have started the stool study and we have our 1st appointment with Sophie's GI next Monday. I made the appointment about 3 weeks ago and was hoping and praying that is was just a tummy bug and that I would be able to cancel it but as things seem to go in my life right now --- that is not the case.
oh Laura... so much to carry on your shoulders. I will be sending tons of prayers your way. You are one strong lady! Your kiddos are so blessed to have you as their mom. My mom was my biggest supporter when I was diagnosed and I will forever be grateful. Your little ones will be fine because of your love so remember that when things get tough!!!
Oh Laura, I am thinking about you and holding you in my prayers and thoughts. I am glad you are going through with testing for Nate. I repeat this for you my friend, 'it will all be we'll whatev it turns out to be, it will all be well. We will hold you up, you can do this. When things get down, you think of me, if I can do this and slug through every day, so can you. You can. You can. You are strong. Love you my friend.
I love you beyond words and wish that our kids didn't have to go through all they do.
God knew what he was giving us, I believe that. I don't know the reason yet but there is one.
You are NOT alone. Ever. Sending massive hugs, prayers and love to you and Natey Poo.
I am so sorry Laura... I am praying so hard that it's not what you think it is, but merely a blip of weirdness that will go away. Even if it's not, I know you can do this. You are one of the strongest women I have ever met, and I am in awe of your awesomeness.
Please let me know if you need anything.
Oh Laura, How sucky that he was so low and at school. Yep, no one can take care of our kiddos as well as their Mommas. I am praying that all will be well with Nate and not the same diagnosis as Sophie. I know this is so much for you to go through. Thinking of you and sending you lots of love.
Laura..I am thinking of you sister. Sounds like a hell of a lot of craptasticness lately..too much for such an amazing woman and her family. I hope things with Nate don't end up being what you expect but if they are..no one is better able able to stand strong in the face of it than you are. Much love to you Laura...
Just a Mom
I AM a wife.
I AM the mom of 3 wonderful children.
I AM my son's pancreas.
The information provided on this blog is from our personal experiences with Type 1 diabetes. Because something works for us does not mean it will work for you.
Please consult your doctor if you have any questions or concerns about your health care options.
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