I've been watching the calendar and watching this day creep up for weeks now. And for weeks I have been planning a very upbeat blog post to tell everyone how wonderful Nate and I are and how we have come so far that I rarely even let diabetes slow us down anymore. Which is mostly true but man . . . . the last few weeks have kicked my rear. Diabetes is not cooperating no matter what I do.
He's 44 double arrow down at school and about to pass out, feeling dizzy, he's rushed to the nurses office.
I make the smallest of changes .05 less basal to be exact and he's high --- so, so high. Nearly 400 at school.
There has not been one 'good day' in weeks. WEEKS people. Diabetes is being a major asshole and I am exhausted and feel terrible for how terrible Nate must be feeling. I honestly don't remember ever having so many peaks and valleys since his diagnosis --- 5 YEARS AGO.
|I stole this pic from Alexis --- I heart it!!|
So, even though I thought for sure I was going to blog about the rainbows and unicorns -- I'm just not feeling it. Although I rarely cry over Nate's diagnosis or diabetes anymore last week I had a major meltdown. After 7 nights of no sleep and just fighting the numbers I did it --- I broke down and cried.
It had been a while.
Did it help? Not really but sometimes it just needs to happen.
As I sit here this morning trying to wrap up this post that was supposed to be upbeat and reassure everyone that after 5 years I am totally fine with Nate's diagnosis and diabetes it has become clear that I am not always fine with it. Some days are fine. Some days are not. I don't dwell on it but I do allow myself to feel it, be sad about it and even very occasionally melt down but I can no longer live there. That is not healthy for any of is in this family. One day last week I wanted to just throw my hands up and say -- that's it! I'm done!! But that isn't an option! I know the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is so overplayed (Thanks for that, Kelly Clarkson) but it is true. I will get it all figured out and be stronger for it. There will be a few weeks of calm, maybe even dare I say a few months of calm before the next storm hits and I will enjoy the calm, I will embrace the calm and I will LOVE the calm. PLEASE bring on the calm!!
The only thing that is consistent with Type 1 Diabetes is that it is never consistent.
I know this. This will pass and we will be fine.
All that really matters is that Nate is fine. He is wonderful and he is so brave. I don't even know who Nate would be today without diabetes. He's had it for so much longer than he hasn't. I don't know who either of us would be. We have both changed in so many ways over the past 5 years. He has become big, strong and brave and well, I have become old, tired and mostly grumpy (that's a post for another day --- The Side Effects of Type 1 on D Moms).
I am the only one in my world that knows what today is --- I don't think anyone else realizes. Is it like that for all families? Nate was too young to remember as were the girls. His dad doesn't know the date and I'm pretty sure no one else does either except for the other D moms out there that had a child diagnosed on this day too. It was the worst day of my life and I remember every horrifying moment of it like it was yesterday. The very thought of that day 5 years ago has me crying now. UGH! Ok, so now I have had 2 diabetes meltdowns this year. That's really not too bad!!
To read about Nate's diagnosis -- click here.
Please read below for the symptoms of Type 1 Diabetes which is often misdiagnosed as a virus or the flu then watch the attached video and share the information. You could save a life!!
From the JDRF website:
Symptoms of type 1 diabetes (these may occur suddenly):
- Extreme thirst
- Frequent urination
- Sudden vision changes
- Sugar in urine
- Fruity, sweet, or wine-like odor on breath
- Increased appetite
- Sudden weight loss
- Drowsiness, lethargy
- Heavy, labored breathing
- Stupor, unconsciousness
Today it has been 5 years since Nate's diagnosis.
I am thankful I listened to my gut and took him in and would not leave until I had answers. I am thankful for the community of other families that live with type 1 diabetes that have supported us and have become our family. I am thankful that I have been given the opportunity to help other families and I am thankful that I am able to educate on Type 1 daily and hope that I can be as much help to others as they have been to me.
I am thankful for Nate and all of the brave people living with Type 1 Diabetes.
|Brave Miniature Humans!|
Super ((HUGS)) today Laura!! Im always amazed with the Moms who had littles dx'd SO terribly young (Maddi was 6) and I have the utmost respect for you because of this! I cant imagine D in a toddler, but here you are 5yrs later with a super healthy, strong, determined, brave boy! Your efforts and teaching have made him who he is despite the D, just remember that! A strong Momma = a strong boy!!!
Im so sad to hear of your struggles with numbers lately :( I get ya! After almost 8 years of D (and a teen!) Maddisons numbers still have times where all I can do is be patient and watch the highs instead of doing much to intervene...even though I try to make changes those numbers dont budge!! FUD!! And the lows are by far the most heartache...YIKES!!! I applaud you for using all the tools available to defeat this beast, determination is your strength!! I hope today you allow yourself a meltdown day, treat yourself like a Queen!! This is also your day to heal a broken heart!!!
I'm sipping a juice box, watching a blood sugar that skyrocketed post-coffee, turned around double down after breakfast, climbed back up to the 130s afterward of its own volition, and is now 80 and sliding down. Never consistent. Never. The only thing consistent is that the sun will rise tomorrow and diabetes will still be there.
But you're out there everyday kicking its ass. And you do it beautifully. Doesn't have to be graceful. Tear stained faces are allowed. You've worked to make each day reach the next one. And your son is a rockstar.
You were one of the first blogs I read after my little guy was diagnosed and you will never know how much it meant to read your words.. .they helped me survive the first year and the many years that have followed! Warm tight hugs to you all as you and we all continue to navigate this crazy world of diabetes.
It's okay to cry, diabetes is just an asshole.
I understand what it's like to be a T1, I don't understand how it's like being a mom of a T1. I just keep praying I never do, and my daughter doesn't get it. If she does i'll deal. But you deserve a metal. You are so strong, even when you don't feel strong. It's hard enough to treat my own diabetes, and treating your child's would be harder in my eyes. Your boy is strong and so lucky to have you.
Your blog is inspiring. I love reading about your sweet sweet boy.
Just a Mom
I AM a wife.
I AM the mom of 3 wonderful children.
I AM my son's pancreas.
The information provided on this blog is from our personal experiences with Type 1 diabetes. Because something works for us does not mean it will work for you.
Please consult your doctor if you have any questions or concerns about your health care options.
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