Monday, October 25, 2010

It Is Time


It's time for me to come back to my blog. I've missed it and I have a lot to write about ---- so much to share but my heart is still heavy from the loss of Eilish, a 13 year old little girl that passed away in her sleep last week.  Eilish had type 1 diabetes and is believed to have passed away from Dead in Bed Syndrome.

For a mom it is very hard to hear about any child losing their life.  I. Cannot. Imagine.
I've been staring at the screen for hours and really cannot find the words --- I'm at a loss.

I don't worry any more or any less about Nate's diabetes because of this passing.  The fear has always been there.  So many people are not aware of the of what goes on in the life of a mom with a child with diabetes.

The fear, the worry, the exhaustion, the schedule, the math, the counting, the dosing, the never-ending work. 

The hard part is knowing that you can do it all right.  You can count every carb, weigh ever gram of food, accurately dose insulin, and repeatedly check blood sugar and still this disease is never really in your control.

Last week I did not cry at the news of Eilish's passing.  Since Nate's diagnosis I have read about several children passing away from the complications that are associated with diabetes.  I somewhat stayed away from the blogger community and kept to myself.  I think this was my way of ignoring the situation in an attempt at not having to deal with the reality of an all too real situation. 

Last night I stepped back in and have been completely blown away by the compassion, grief, and overwhelming sorrow that I am now feeling.  My tears are flowing freely for a little girl that I have never met.  I cry for Eilish, her mother, her father and for her little sister, Ella.  I also cry for Jesse Alswager's family, for Alec Temple's family, for Trent Nicholson's family, and Chantal Driver's family

You see I am not looking for answers --- I know that diabetes does not play fair.  I know these parents did everything right and still diabetes took their children.  I know that this very easily could be my family one day.  I live with that reality every day as do all of the other parents living with diabetes.  I only hope that all of the families that are struggling with the loss of their children know that there is a very large community thinking about you, loving you and lifting you up every single day. 

The outpouring of love and support has been amazing -


 

There are many, many more but these are the ones that I have read to date.  They are all so beautiful and telling of a community that is truly grieving.

Today Michelle Page Alswager, a long time diabetes advocate and mother of Jesse Alswager guest blogged on Diabetes Mine.  I have never met Michelle personally but have followed her journey on Triabetes Took Over My Life since Nate's diagnosis in 2009. Her amazing strength and grace has been an inspiration to me both before and after her son's passing.  She has always been an advocate for diabetes and has continued to advocate, educate and speak out since Jesse's death.  I admire her for her strength, resolve and most of all for her honest and open communication with the DOC. Please read her wonderful guest post over at Diabetes Mine.

8 comments:

Meri said...

Welcome back friend.

Heather said...

So good to have you back! :)

Misty said...

Nicely written post. Hugs to you!

Alexis of Justices Misbehaving Pancreas said...

I have missed you so much. Beautiful post as usual. Huggggss.

Wendy said...

Hope all is well....it's good to see your beautiful words again. The grief is real. Even though we have never met her, it hurts....it's okay to cry for her, my friend. It's okay.

Reyna said...

Welcome back sistah...welcome back. You have been missed.

I understand the "staying away" from the blog world for the last week or so...and you are right, this hasn't ramped up my anxiety over Joe's mortality...like you, I know D doesn't play fair.

Love.

Penny said...

You have been missed Laura. We are all one community. Glad you are back.

Pam said...

I understand your need to insulate for a while after this tragic news. I don't think I've fully let it in, myself. I can't go there. It doesn't necessarily make me more concerned about Grace, but I HAVE been checking her more frequently overnight this past week.