If you are a faithful follower of HWHAP then you may have been wondering where I've been lately but then again maybe not so much.  Maybe you could care less.  Or if you are on Facebook you probably know exactly where I have been because I post there like every 5 minutes.





That's funny ---- Right?

Anyway when I started this blog it was an outlet for me to discuss the wide array of emotions I was going through after Nate was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and then Sophie with Crohn's disease.  I'm never afraid to keep it real and let people know exactly how I am feeling.  I have certainly been through some tough times over the past couple of years.  I am not sure that I have handled any of it with dignity or grace but at the time I really didn't care ---- survival was my only goal.

Reading back over some of my posts I still feel every bit of the sadness, anger and frustration that I was feeling at the time that each post was written.  I remember vividly the sadness, the feeling of loss, frustration and anger.  At times I did allow myself to get wrapped up in each and every one of those emotions.



I truly believe I went from being what I like to describe as a full-time, stay-at-home, want-to-be-perfect mom to a D-mom and then a D/C-Mom.  I was no longer a woman, a wife, a daughter, a sister or a friend.  All I could be at the time was a mom to 2 chronically ill children (we won't even talk about how bad I feel for Ms. Emma).  I felt overwhelmed and sad ---- some days I still do but for the most part something has changed over the last 6-months or so.  I am still a stay at home mom and a D/C-mom but I have found me again.  I am no longer trying to be the perfect mom, the perfect D-mom or perfect C-mom . . . is there really such thing?  I am just me . . . a woman, a daughter, a sister, and a friend.  I am funny, silly, sarcastic (I actually speak sarcasm fluently), kind of bitchy, and rather snarky.  I have found that getting away from my littles occasionally is actually good for my mothering abilities . . . when I don't escape often enough I can lose my shit FAST!



In March I started running and working out again.  It is my all about me time.  I love to run --- it clears my mind and lets me leave diabetes and Crohn's behind when I know my littles are in the capable hands of someone that I trust.  I am back down to my pre-Emma pregnancy weight and it feels really, really good.  I've also started reading again which I was passionate about before Nate's diagnosis.  After his dx I felt too overwhelmed and exhausted to let myself escape in a book.  Not any more!  I can't believe I am going to admit this but I read all three 50 Shades of Grey books (go ahead and laugh) and am now reading a funny book by Chelsea Handler given to me by a friend (or maybe it was a loaner --- not sure --- will have to check on that?).

I think through my experiences with 2 life changing diagnoses I have learned empathy, compassion and understanding.  I've never wanted sympathy ever and I don't believe that others do either so I try to help others in need, even if it is just an understanding nod or compassionate look.  I never want anyone to think that because his or her child doesn't require the same amount of care that mine do that their child's illness is any less important to me. It's not.  I want to help! I want to understand! I want to be there!

Well, except for this one post I read recently by some woman that went on and on and on about how stoic and strong she was because she was able to get through some random surgery her son had to have and then he ate a flower or a rock or something and she freaked out ---- it was weird and I had no sympathy or emapthy for her whatsoever.  It was the most ridiculous thing I'd read in a while.  To her I did actually want to shout . . . HEY ---- COME OVER HERE AND WALK A MILE IN MY FLIP-FLOPS, DRAMA MAMA!

I know I should be more empathetic of the rock mom but geeeez can you imagine her living my bloody and crappy life?  She would crumble FO SHO.  I could actually link to 100 diagnosis stories that are 100X worse than what that woman went through and each and every one of the mom's I have read about were stoic and graceful through the most horrifying diagnosis stories --- most much worse than what I have gone through.  

How did I get off on that?  Clearly needed to get that off of my chest.

I read this recently on a blog I came across recently and loved it . . . 


Don’t judge me. You couldn’t handle half what I’ve been through. As a matter of fact, most would crumble just watching my life play out. There’s a reason I do what I do. There’s a reason I am who I am. Until you live my story, please just pay attention to your own.

--- Stolen from Diary of a Sick Girl.

So, back to me.  That's what it's all about . . . in my mind anyway.

I am still devoted to my children, dedicated to caring for their needs and I will never stop hoping for a cure.



I will allow myself the breaks that I need to keep my sanity and not allow one ounce of guilt to seep into my mind while I am taking said breaks --- whether it be running, working out, hanging out with my girlfriends or even escaping to the solitude of my closet to enjoy a glass of wine in peace (yes, that makes me a closet drinker!).



I feel like I have survived ---- I am still surviving --- my life isn't any easier all of the sudden it's just that I have accepted that this is my life.  I've embraced my new normal and I am no longer angry about it.  Don't get me wrong I can still get mad at diabetes and Crohn's when I am in the midst of dealing with either one but I think I have finally learned to live by the words that I post here so often . . .

Keep Calm and Carry On.

The Houston Family will be there . . . will you?

Click for the Diabetes Hero - Sunday 5/20 Link List.
Let’s end our week on a high note and blog about our “Diabetes Hero”.  It can be anyone you’d like to recognize or admire, someone you know personally or not, someone with diabetes or maybe a Type 3.  It might be a fabulous endo or CDE.  It could be a d-celebrity or role-model.  It could be another DOC member.  It’s up to you – who is your Diabetes Hero??


Click for the Diabetes Creativity Wildcard Link List.
 Creativity comes in all shapes and forms, so take this where ever it leads you.  Write a diabetes poem.  Create some D-Art.  Record a vlog.  Write a diabetes song parody.  Scrapbook, collage, sew, knit, crochet . . . . use your favorite creative outlet to create a diabetes project!




It's kind of a combo or 2 for the price of one deal . . . 


Obviously, it goes without saying that Nate is my Diabetes Hero and I've written about that many, many times.  I honestly do not think I could have diabetes ----- I'm a total wimp!  He is so totally amazing and strong and awesome and brave and super adorable!


See ---- total diabetes hero.


For the creativity part I thought I would share this video I made back in 2010 not even a year after Nate's diagnosis.  If I made one today which I should have done for this post but didn't have the time.  It would be to a much more upbeat song --- maybe . . . The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes or something bad ass like that.  

Click for the Saturday Snapshots - Saturday 5/19 Link List.
Back for the third year, let’s show everyone what life with diabetes looks like!  With a nod to the Diabetes 365 project, let’s grab our cameras again and share some more d-related pictures.  Post as many or as few as you’d like.  Feel free to blog your thoughts on or explanations of your pictures, or leave out the written words and let the pictures speak for themselves.





Diabetes has changed me.  I'm not sure if it has made be better or worse but I do know it has made me stronger.

_______________________________________________________________________________


I was going to just post the above picture but while looking for something else I found the below picture that I posted back in 2010 and it seems fitting for this post . . .

Click for the What They Should Know – Friday 5/18  Link List.
Today let’s borrow a topic from a #dsma chat held last September.  The tweet asked “What is one thing you would tell someone that doesn’t have diabetes about living with diabetes?”.  Let’s do a little advocating and post what we wish people knew about diabetes.  Have more than one thing you wish people knew?  Go ahead and tell us everything.


To learn a lot --- I mean a whole lot about living with type 1 click the link list above and read some of the other blogs participating in D Blog Week.  Lots & lots of good information being posted today.

There is a ton I would like to educate the general public on about type 1 but today I am just going to remind those not living with type 1 diabetes . . . that diabetes hurts.

I think people forget because Nate doesn't flinch when I check his sugar that there is still a little needle poking him until he bleeds ---- he may be used to it but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. And we do it 12-15 times a day.  So far today we've actually done it 20 times!!

UGH --- picture proof.  No judging on the WAY CRAZY numbers we've been having lately!




Also, very few people in my real life actually see Nate getting his pod changed.  We change it every 2 - 3 days (sometimes more frequently) and he hates it.  I've posted videos for my readers before of Nate's pod changes.  They are hard to watch.  After 2 years, 2 months and 18 days Nate still cries almost every single time we change his pod.

Diabetes Hurts.

The littles and I decided to make a couple of silly videos about checking Nate's sugar and then tonight was pod change night so we made a video of that as well.

SUGAR CHECK




POPPING BALLOONS




TODAY'S POD CHANGE




DECEMBER 2011 POD CHANGE






AUGUST 2010 POD CHANGE




I want everyone to know a lot of things about living with type 1 diabetes but I think the one thing I want you to remember today is that DIABETES HURTS.  If you think it is just a physical pain you would be mistaken.  That is my son, my baby in those videos.  I do that to him every few days.  Diabetes hurts Nate but it hurts me and the rest of our family too.

Keep Calm and Pod Change On . . .

Click here for the Fantasy Diabetes Device - Thursday 5/17 Link List.
Today let’s tackle an idea inspired by Bennet of Your Diabetes May Vary.  Tell us what your Fantasy Diabetes Device would be?  Think of your dream blood glucose checker, delivery system for insulin or other meds, magic carb counter, etc etc etc.  The sky is the limit – what would you love to see?




Keep Calm and D-Blog Week On . . . 

Click for the One Thing to Improve - Wednesday 5/16 Link List.
Yesterday we gave ourselves and our loved ones a big pat on the back for one thing we are great at.  Today let’s look at the flip-side.  We probably all have one thing we could try to do better.  Why not make today the day we start working on it.  No judgments, no scolding, just sharing one small thing we can improve so the DOC can cheer us on!




Well-- Well . . .  since I said I totally rock diabetes yesterday I guess today I must confess to a few things that I could improve.  


1) Changing of the Lancet --- Seriously cannot tell you the last time this happened.  I know - I suck!


2) Washing of the Poking Finger --- I'm really bad about just wiping Nate's finger on my shirt and calling it clean.  I know - GROSS!


3) Stressing over the Highs --- Oh yes, highs stress me out far more than lows.  I get seriously stressed out and rage bolus the crap out of them.  I know - Relax


4) Diabetes in the House --- I think the worst thing that I do is put Nate's diabetes on everyone in the house.  I strongly believe that it is a family disease --- we all live with it but I sometimes put too much of it on Emma and Sophie.  The only example I can think of right now is that Emma wants to get her ears pierced which I am ok with -- sort of.  But, the latest trend is to get numbing cream from the doctor (EMLA) before going to get them pierced so they won't feel it.  I say NO WAY!  Nate's fingers get poked 12-15 times a day, he gets his pod changed every 2-3 days and Dexcom every 7-14.  NO STINKIN WAY am I letting my daughters get numbing cream for an elective poking of the ears.  I wonder if I would even care if Nate didn't have diabetes?  I know - I'm a meanie!


I could go on and on but I think we were only supposed to focus on one.  


Keep calm and D-Blog Week On . . .