Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Day 2 - D-Blog Week - I Rock this Job







Click for the One Great Thing - Tuesday 5/15 Link List.
Living with diabetes (or caring for someone who lives with it) sure does take a lot of work, and it’s easy to be hard on ourselves if we aren’t “perfect”.  But today it’s time to give ourselves some much deserved credit.  Tell us about just one diabetes thing you (or your loved one) does spectacularly!  Fasting blood sugar checks, oral meds sorted and ready, something always on hand to treat a low, or anything that you do for diabetes.  Nothing is too big or too small to celebrate doing well! 





This weekend I was chatting with a friend's husband and while eating one my of super delicious chocolate chip cookies he asked me the following question:


Besides making awesome cookies, what other talents do you have?


I had no answer.  I seriously don't really do anything well.  I have no talents! I didn't play sports growing up, or dance or do gymnastics.  I don't paint or draw.  I really have no talents whatsoever.  Sad, I know.  I couldn't think of anything that  I do well.


Then when I was trying to think of a diabetes thing that I do spectacularly for this post and it came to me.  


That's what I do.


Diabetes. 


I do it all well. 


Don't get me wrong ---- I'm far from a perfect pancreas but I think I balance it all so well that most of my friends forget what all I deal with on daily/nightly basis.  


I think they forget that I check Nate's sugar 12-15 times per day, they don't realize that I have to make critical decisions to his well being at every single check, I change his insulin pump every 2-3 days (hell, I think 1/2 of them think the pod just sticks on his arm with the sticky tape ---- FYI --- there's a very large needle that inserts a ---- oh good hell never mind!), I do a lot of math, I am accountable for everything that he puts into his mouth, the list goes on and on.  


What I do -- 


What I do spectacularly is . . . 


that I make it all seem NORMAL and OK and EASY and like it is NO BIG DEAL.  


I'm actually quite pleased that I've gotten to a place after almost 3 years where I can make it all look easy.  


It's not easy.  It is hard.  It is exhausting.  It is frustrating. It is bloody.  It is painful.  It is total and complete suckage at times.  But I am glad that I make it look easier than all of that.  




Here's how it really is for me and for all of moms raising children with diabetes --- 


A beautiful post written by my friend and fellow D Mom, Meri from Our Diabetic Life






We are called D Moms.  D Mamas.   Even Type 3's.

Sometimes we get a bad rap.

~We're too "intense."

~We worry too much.

~We are overbearing.

~We over think.

~We over react.

~We over manage.

And I only have one thing to say about all of that...

You are probably right.

I want to tell you that if you are a parent, you can understand.

But that is not true.

I want to tell you that if you have diabetes yourself, you can understand.

But that is not true either...just as I will never fully understand your diabetic life,
you will never fully understand mine.

The only way you would understand what goes on in the swelly brain of a D Mama,
is if you were a D Mama yourself.

We are special.  Chosen for our story, as you were chosen for yours.

We are fighters, and we will fight until our last breath to keep our children safe.

New technologies like fast acting insulin and insulin pumps provide keys for better management, but they also provide a clear and present danger at all times.

We have to be vigilant.

We look into the eyes of our children and we love them with a bright tenderness.  We want more than anything for them to live a life free from restrictions, free from prejudice, free from complications, free from emergency rooms and hospitals.

We feel a responsibility well beyond any bounds of normalcy.  We do not want to live a life of regrets.  One day we will need to look into the eyes of our adult Type 1 Children and we want more than anything to say...
"I did my best."

The mothers of Type 1's spend every day racked with guilt.   Every blood sugar number pierces our heart.  We feel responsible for every high and every low.

An argument can be made that diabetes is responsible for every one of those numbers, but in our eyes...whether a reasonable notion or not, we feel they are a reflection of our efforts.

We may not always admit it to you, or to ourselves...but we take those numbers personally.

The A1C isn't called the mommy report card for nothing.

We do not sleep.  That is a choice.  We choose to keep a close eye on the numbers while the world takes a break.  We don't take breaks.  We know that waking up with a off number can domino to the rest of the day. 

We know that pancreases sputter.

We know the soccer game from 5 hours earlier can affect the nighttime numbers.
(Yet we urge them to play.)

We know that Pizza can wreak havoc hours after consumption, and we know that Chinese food for dinner means a sleepless night for us.
(Yet we delight in serving them their favorites anyway.)

We know that diabetes never sleeps.  That is why we don't either.

We know that a 200 can turn into a 52 in 30 minutes flat.

We know that on field trip days our children may spike with excitement, or bottom out from activity.

We know nothing is for sure.

So we check, and constantly ask our children how they are feeling...and we hover...watching every move...looking for changes in our children's faces...changes in their gait...tiny beads of sweat on the back of their necks...we know the signs of lows.  We know our children better than anyone else.

We love hard.

We try hard.

We cry hard.

We hug hard.

We hope hard.

We stress hard.

We are hard on ourselves.

We are D mamas.   

Don't judge us because we fret over the details.  To us...Our Diabetic Life is all about the details.

We are 100% responsible for the well being of children we love more than anything on this blessed green earth.

No, we will not back off.

No, we will not calm down.

No, we will not stop making noise.

As mothers, we know that our children are special.  Diabetes makes them stronger.  It makes them resilient, responsible, amazing.  It gives them a sense of humor.  It makes them grow up too fast, and let's them spread their wings too slow.

We wish we could take away the pain. 

We wish it were us.


We are warriors.


We are D Moms.


Hear.   Us.   Roar.



I love Ms. Meri ---- she does the making it look easy spectacularly well too!  What can I say . . . I learned from the very best!







Keep calm and D-Blog Week On ---


DO IT!


9 comments:

journeyintotype1 said...

Making it look easy and effortless is hard, taxing...and a great triat!! Could you imagine if all 'D' mommas walked around miserable, hopeless, helpless...could you imagine that outcome? I loved your post and never thought about that. How you tackle it will be the outcome of our T1D'ers and how they tackle.
I am quite sure, especially being a T1D Momma that you have many, many, many other great notible qualities that lie in everything you do every day...besides make cookies! ;0) We 'D' mommas often times under-credit ourselves and over-critique ourselves without thinking twice.

Nicole said...

YES you kick D ass!! Great post :)

Brian from "D-Dad - Living with "D" on so many levels" said...

Well written. D-moms are a unique breed, that is for sure, but you guys have to be. Not many other parents can say that they hold their child's life in their hands on a daily basis. You are all appreciated!

MelissaBL said...

You can come manage my D any day, SuperMama.

thisiscaleb said...

Good for you, woman. I can seriously picture you juggling, cooking dinner, typing on the computer and changing a Pod all at the same time. No doubt about it - you rock at being a mama, not just a dmama!

Kelly Booth said...

Great post! Being great at diabetes is a good skill to have as a d-Mom.

Meri said...

I don't know how I know for sure...I mean we've never met IRL. But the fact remains that I DO know you are an absolutely amazing mother.

I know it.

Just as I know the sky is blue!

Misty said...

I have to agree with Meri, you do the Mom thing very well! Love that you are so awesome that you make it all look easy.

Sarah said...

PS Laura you keep us laughing, too.
I know this is d blog week, but you have many talents. I just wish I were in TX to know you IRL.
You rock lady!